without you i'll be miserable at best

Vampire Money

2011-11-18T21:32:00.003+08:00

So the new Twilight thing is coming out. Again. Hordes of vampire-obssessed fangirls will be rushing to the theatres. Anyway. Thinking about Twilight and over-rated vampire movies/ books have resulted in this song playing in my head. MCR really is pretty good, but not my favourite.

Gerard: Well, are you ready, Ray?
Ray: Yeah...
Gerard: How about you, Frank?
Frank: Oh I'm there, baby
Gerard: How about you, Mikey?
Mikey: Fuckin' ready...
Gerard: Well, I think I'm alright

1-2-3-4

3-2-1 We came to fuck
Everybody party till the gasman comes
Sparkle like Bowie in the morning sun
And get a parking violation on La Brea till it's done

Hair back, collar up, jet black, so cool!
Sing it like the kids that are mean to you, c'mon

When you wanna be a movie star (c'mon! )
Play the game and take band real far (c'mon! )
Play it right and drive a Volvo car (c'mon! )
Pick a fight at an airport bar

The kids don't care if you're all right honey
Pills don't help but it sure is funny
Gimme gimme some of that vampire money c'mon!

Hey you look like somebody I used to know

And now 3-2-1 we got the bomb
Everybody hurry till the tax man comes
Glimmer like Bolan in the morning sun
And get your finger on the trigger
Tap the barrel of the a gun

Hair back, motherfucker!
Jet black, so cool
Sing it like the kids that are mean to you (c'mon! )

When you wanna be a movie star (c'mon! )
Play the game and take band real far (c'mon! )
Play it right and drive a Volvo car (c'mon! )
Pick a fight at an airport bar

The kids don't care if you're all right honey
Pills don't help but it sure is funny
Gimme gimme some of that vampire money c'mon!

Fuck yeah
That's right
1, 2, 3, 4

Well 3-2-1 we came to fuck
Everybody party till the gasman comes
Sparkle like Bowie in the morning sun
And get a parking violation on La Brea till it's done

Hair back, collar up, jet black, so cool!
Sing it like the kids that are mean to you (c'mon! )

When you wanna be a movie star (c'mon! )
Play the game and take band real far (c'mon! )
Play it right and drive a Volvo car (c'mon! )
Pick a fight at an airport bar

The kids don't care if you're all right honey
Pills don't help but it sure is funny
Gimme gimme some of that vampire money c'mon!
C'mon!

This party
I think it's way too loud
Gonna have to turn it down a little, sorry

Okay, I'm kinda still trying to make sense of the song. I understand bits and pieces but that's about it. No matter. It's more fun this way.

Right. New Twilight thing. This may come across as being wimpy about committing, but I will not, and cannot jump onto that bandwagon of condemning all things vampiric, but neither will I support it either. I mean, I'm NOT a fangirl. But I see no reason to be predictable and extremist and start bashing all things Twilgiht. People go like, Oh, a new vampire series? And they compare it to Twilight, all the while commenting on the sucky romance and cliched whatever.

Hmm. Unstructured thoughts. Not very coherent of me. Oh well, never mind.

Anyway. First of all, I would like to say that I honestly think it's stupid and a waste of time to "be in love" with Edward/ Jacob. Seriously? For crying out loud, they're NOT REAL. They're just ideas, representations of a type of guy. I swear, if I hear/ read about obssessed fangirls sighing over their supposed looks or personality, I will...do unmentionable things to them.

Uh. Right, on with the commentary.

The hype Twilight is generating is also disgusting. I know I'm only contributing to it, but still. A girl's gotta rant when a girl's gotta rant. Please, people. It's just a book series about (gag) sparkly vampires. In love. And werewolves. C'mon, how is this love triangle thing any different from the Taiwanese idol dramas or any other chick lit? And the other vampire novels/ series that seemed to be written overnight to cash in on the vampire craze... I have just one thing to say. W.T.F?

...

But of course, any good (though slightly incoherent) argument must be balanced. And so, I now find myself playing the role of defending Twilight. Or at least persuading people to hate it just a widdle bit less.

Uh. Okay.

First, for a cliched romance story, it's not that bad. Hey, I cried reading New Moon. Okay... In my defense, I missed you. But seriously, cut it some slack. Like Romeo and Juliet is any less melodramatic. And all the modern day R&Js, those are just asking for it.

And... Next, I suppose that people can relate to it or something.

...

Okay, this is to hard. I give up. Why am I trying to findredeeming qualities of Twilight? Never mind, don't answer that, random blog-hopper. Just...hop along.

Anyway, so that's that. Yet another exciting blogpost coming to an end. Before I go, I must confess... I watch Twilight, and I'm probably watching the latest one. Even though Pattinson is nowhere near the mental image I have of Edward, and it's ridiculous that Lautner walks around with his shirt off 99.9% of the time in the movies. It's like a train wreck, or any other accident. You just can't tear your eyes away from it.

Ah well. More next time. Pretty good for someone who hasn't blogged in like, what? A couple of months? Bad blogger. (That's me.) Okay, gotta go before I start rambling again.

Later.

P/S: Please try to be more careful. Falling down is so not cool. And very upsetting.

P/P/S: No song lyrics or witty quotes today. Sad face.

Oh wait.

Remember how our hands matched

Love lines, same size

I guess I should have checked

To see the lifelines were in line

Don't you justlove Bowling for Soup?

Meet me in the pouring rain

2011-02-08T20:17:00.008+08:00

Should've waited for Valentine's for this one, but i'm just impatient, i guess. I'm actually not that worried about people flaming, 'cause not many read my blog anyway. This is my attempt at poetry. (Don't laugh either.)

I
Was just a girl
You
Were just a boy
We
Were just friends
Purely platonic
We never thought anything could change

At first glance
Your hair
Caught my attention immediately
Let me pick you out in a crowd
Your height
Made us equals
I could finally see eye-to-eye with someone
Your sharp wit
Cutting at times, but humorously so
I could get better than most
Strangely, i held that dear

The first time
Your eyes
Held me
A flicker, a spark
Made me believe there could be
Something more, perhaps?
Your hand
Slipped into mine
They fit perfectly
Your lips
Found mine, stayed there
Pressed against mine
Breathing seemed unnecessary

Now
Your arms
Around me in an embrace
Keeping me safe
From my nightmares, my fears
Your hands
All over me
And i want more
I always want more
Your lips
Pressed against mine again
Moving, perfectly synchronised
Your tongue
Intertwined with mine
Dancing, teasing
Your shoulder
Mine to lean on
Or cry on
Always there for me
Your eyes
Holding mine again
The spark, now a flame
Promising eternity together
Your voice
Whispering in my ear
Murmuring sweet everythings
Giving me strength
If i falter

I still want
Your scent
Enveloped in it
In the pillows, the sheets
My clothes, our bed
Your face
The first thing i see
When i wake up
Opening my eyes to perfection
Better, infinitely so
Better than the most glorious dawn
Your body
Warm, next to mine
Fitting snugly, perfectly
Like that missing puzzle piece
Your heart
Because you already stole mine
When i fell in love with you
And i'm content
For you to guard mine

But i want
To be entrusted with
Guarding yours
And our hearts beat in time
Inexplicably, irrevocably
A shared fate
I won't be getting out of this with my heart intact
But i would never want to
Leave, because
Without you
Only oblivion remains

I fell in love with you
I still love you
And i always will

That was mostly general and not too specific. =)
Hope you don't mind. I know it's a little weird, after your birthday but before Valentine's. But i figured you'd be fine with it. =)

Later.

kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain

I know i'm good at something

2010-09-09T16:00:00.003+08:00

Another holiday. I realise that holidays are nothing but pit stops in the rat race of school life. You don't really get to rest. Just catch a quick breather. This couple of days i've been thinking alot. About schoolwork, about my future and just life in general. And i've had a few realisations. One: i used to be alot more hardworking. Now it seems like i'm just getting away with the bare minimum. Two: i'm still not quite sure of what i want from my future, and this uncertainty scares me. Three: life is... I don't even want to go there. Let's just say that i'm disenchanted.

It's all those thoughts about the future that's killing me. I keep thinking about the subject combinations and all that shit. And i'm still trying to figure out what path to take. My heart is telling me to go with what i want, but my mind (not to mention my parents) is telling me something else altogether.

...suddenly the urge to blog is gone. I really feel like curling up in some corner and just crying myself to sleep. You know why. But you don't care.

Later.

i just haven't found it yet

Say your prayers...

2010-07-17T22:29:00.006+08:00

I don't understand.

Why can't people just get along? Maybe i'm not the best person to say this, maybe i don't have the right to say this. I'm not the most tolerable person around after all. But is it so hard to just...tolerate someone? I'm not even talking about liking the person, just tolerate. I'm sorry, but i just fail to see how that's a problem. Especially if the differences are minor ones, like what kind of music you like or what school you're from. It's not even racial or religious or whatever.

Maybe it's just me being, ironically, intolerant again. But i really don't understand.

This led me thinking: if people around me can't even set aside petty little differences, then i guess the same is to be expected from the rest of humanity. All those wars, those senseless battles that are fought just because of some difference in the way of thinking, or who you are. I guess all of those violent, useless wars, all those hurtful remarks and emotional trauma will just continue to occur both now and in the future. Though i suppose it's sort of like an innate human instinct, to shun those different from you.

Biologically, i'm sure there's an explanation. But in this age and day, where some of these alleged differences are only in our mind (a Christian American and an American who doesn't have any religion will probably have the same characteristics of an American, i'm sure, as will a Buddhist Chinese and a Muslim Chinese bear the same characeteristics of a Chinese, save for minor physical differences due to ancestral lineage), i'm starting to suspect that this sensless discrimination against people just slightly different from us can possibly be detrimental to the survival of the human race.

So i really, honestly, truthfully think that the world might be a better place after the apocalypse, or natural burning out due to global warming. Whether it's in 2012 or earlier or later. I think it's time to start over.

See, basically (i know how you don't like it when i use this word), we're a failed species. Hardly any of the other animals or plants or organisms have tried to exterminate a particular breed of their species because they thought that breed was inferior. Few animals, plants or ther organisms have wars amongst their own species so frequently, and seldom has killing of the same species occurred on such a massive scale, and for such selfish reasons. Nowadays, humans go to war because of things like different ideologies of different skin colour, things that are non-essential for survival. Animals, on the other hand, fight over things like territory, food, mates, etc. Basically, things that they need in order to survive and ensure continuity of their species. We humans, as a species, aren't doing what we should. I mean, okay, differentiation is good, because it helps us adapt to and survive in different conditions/ environment. But killing each other just because of some petty differences is just gonna set our whole species back by a lot. We're jsut killing our own people, because in the end, we ARE one people. The human race, that is.

So we've established that we are, in fact, a failed species.

Now, depending on what you believe in -- god(s), or science -- some apocalyptic disaster worthy of a Hollywood film or a gradual decline in our ability to survive will start happening. If you believe in any god, not just the Christian one, you'll believe that since we have not lived up to god's expectations, and have been sinful, he/ she will have to wipe out the human race by sending a deluge of rain resulting in flash floods, catastrophic earthquakes, or maybe just oblierate us. On the other hand, if you believe in science and Charles Darwin, you'll believe that since humans are an inferior species and there can only be survival of the fittest, we will just slowly die out as we will be unable to adapt. Either way, i'm pretty sure that our world is gonna end. In that sense. And yes, this is all OUR fault. 'Our' referring to every single human being.

So when the end comes, i hope everyone is prepared, because really, we've broiught this on ourselves. If only we had been good, peace-loving humans. But it's too late. Flash floods, or gradual dying out, we should be ready. And accept it. Say our final prayers, say our last farewells, because the end will come. It could be tomorrow, 10 years later, or a millenium later, or when our sun burns out. I just hope the end is quick.

Later.

they're the final punchline

I'm still breathing

2010-03-22T19:33:00.002+08:00

What do you do if you miss someone so much that it becomes a physical pain?

I leave the gas on
Walk the alleys in the dark
Sleep with candles burning
I leave the doors unlocked
I'm weaving a rope and
Running all the red lights
Did i catch your attention?
'Cause i'm sending all the signs that
The clock is ticking
And i'll be giving my two weeks
Pick your favourite shade of black
You'd best prepare a speech
Say something funny
Say something sweet
But don't say that you loved me

Only that i'd want you to say that i'm the only person you've ever loved, and the only one you'll ever love. I just want someone to love me. And i know you do. And so do i. But it really sucks that we can't be together.

Later.

but we've been dead for awhile

What's this "right thing" i keep hearing about?

2010-03-11T21:41:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it hurts to do the right thing. Most times it isn't worth it. All the time, it feels like your heart's being stabbed again and again, and it will never end. But always, it's something that i guess everyone has to do sometime in their life.

Even if it means hurting so much you just want to slit your wrists and let the blood wash away the pain.

Even if it means feeling so depressed that you just want to swallow that whole bottle of pills and let oblivion take away the hurt.

Yeah, even then.

Even then you're stuck having to do the goddamn, fucking "right thing".

And how can you know if it's the "right thing" to do, when all it brings to your life is more pain, more hurt, without an escape?

How can it be the "right thing" if it hurts oh-so-fucking-much just thinking about it?

Sometimes, what doesn't kill you doesn't make you stronger. It just makes you want to finish the job yourself.

Later.

And the worst part is...

2010-03-11T20:27:00.002+08:00

Before it gets any better we're headed for a cliff
And in the freefall i will realise
I'm better off when i hit the bottom

So maybe that's not the worst part anymore. I think the worst part in life isn't when you're gonna fall. The worst part is when you have to decide when you will fall, and who you're gonna take with you.

If i had to choose, i would want to die alone. The best way would be if no one knew. I mean, if no one knows about it, they won't/ can't possibly feel sad, can they? And i really don't want the people who care about me to be unhappy.

I guess that's why i almost always seem to end up feeling screwed. Like life isn't worth living. 'Cause i've realised that for my entire life, i have never done anything for myself. As in, my results are good because my parents have expectations of me. Sure, i have my own expectations too, but somehow i'm more unwilling to not meet my parents' expectations. I realise that i don't have a goal in life. I don't know what i'm living for anymore.

I only know that you are the only thing keeping me sane. I honestly can't do it, can't cope with life if you're not there. But i guess i'm going to have to learn to be independent. To survive without you. I guess i can live without you, but without you, nothing's ever gonna be the same.

You made everything seem possible. I actually believed all those dreams i had were going to come through. But now i'm second-guessing and doubting myself. Maybe i just saw what i wanted to, and it blinded me to everything else. Naivete has always been my problem. I guess i have to learn to stand on my own two feet now.

Just know that you were -- and still are -- the best thing that has ever happened to me. I honestly love you.

Later.

And the Oscar goes to...

2009-12-29T15:53:00.002+08:00

Fuck. I can't believe i'm such a good actor.

But i guess it's needed, to mask the pain and veil the hurt. To pretend to everyone else that there's nothing wrong. Fuck, sometimes i'm so good i can even fool myself. I guess i really am deserving of an Oscar. And maybe if i tried hard enough, i could believe that everything is fine and the fucking pain will go away.
(And pigs may fly.)

And yeah, i'm perfectly fine and everything else i've just said is crap and should not be taken seriously, even if they really sound like they should be.

Fuck.

Later.

Hearts Burst Into Fire

2009-12-26T14:17:00.003+08:00

I never thought that someone could affect me so much and so deeply. Being with you...is like lifting a veil frommy entire being. I feel so much more at ease and just so much more myself when i'm with you. And i feel like we're just so meant for each other.

So i guess it shouldn't come as a surprise that i can't be without you. When i'm alone in my room, when there's nothing to do to keep my mind occupied...that's when it hits me the hardest. I hate it that i can't do anything to change it. That even though i know this shouldn't be happening, that we belong together, i just can't stop us from being torn apart. And it's killing me inside. You said this isn't the end, that it can't keep us apart. I know that, but funnily enough, it's hurting like it really is the end.

I know how much you hate it when i'm emo. So i'll make you a promise right now. I promise never to be emo again. At least not in front of anyone. No one will see me cry. No one will have to comfort me when i'm feeling really fucked up, 'cause i promised not to be emo. I just won't be. I promise you.

I see your face in my mind as i [walk] away
None of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it'skilling me to se you go after all this time

Music starts playing like the end of a sad movie
It's the kind of ending you don't really want to see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now i don't know what to be without you around

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing i know like the back of my hand
And i can't breathe wihtout you, but i have to breathe without you, but i have to

Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road i tried to smooth
But people are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall

And we know it'snever simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing i know like the back of my hand
And i can't breathe without you, but i have to breathe without you, but i have to

It's two a.m., feeling like i just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me
It's two a.m., feeling like i just lost a friend
Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me

And i can't breathe without you, but i have to breathe without you, but i have to

I'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry

I promise to be good from now on. Those memories of you and me will be my protection against my nightmares, my talisman against my inner demons. There's no need to say that i won't forget you for as long as i live, 'cause you're my only reason for living. Forgetting you would be the same as losing the only reason to keep breathing. The only reason for my heart to keep beating.

I love you.

Run baby run, forever we'll be you and me

Later.

Russian roulette is not the same without a gun

2009-12-11T21:40:00.002+08:00

Fairytales always have happy endings. But i guess that's 'cause they end when the writer stops writing. And more importantly, they're just stories. Things that could never happen in real life. Fairytale princesses and princes, riding on their white horses into the sunset and happily ever afters... That can't and won't ever happen in real life.

I guess girls always dream of their Prince Charming on a white horse, their knight in shining armour, someone to hold them in their arms and tell them that everything will be alright. I know, 'cause i used to. Been there, done that. But that's just it. It's just a freakin' dream. And you'll always wake up from a dream, and dreams will always fade away. The more you hold on to it; the more real the dream seems... It just hurts hell lot more when you wake up.

I guess i'm gonna wake up soon. And i already knowthat it's gonna hurt like hell. And that for every additional moment i spend in this dream of you and me, the pain that i feel when i wake up will intensify. But somehow, just maybe, i can live with the pain. Maybe it won't kill. It'll just remain a constant reminder of what once was and what could have and should have been.

I suppose this isn't anyone's fault. Not yours, not mine, not theirs, much as i would love to blame them. Or maybe just a little bit mine. Mine, for daring to think it could possibly last. Mine, for tempting fate. But just as the blame is mine, so is the pain.

You once told me that if i didn't love you anymore, yu'd detach yourself emotionally. Maybe the end of the year is a good time to do that. After all, a new year signifies a new start. And what could be a better way to start anew? You know i'll always be waiting, but maybe i should just be forgotten. Out with the old and in with the new.

Some days, when i feel hopeful, anything seems possible. Huh. But most days, i think there's no such thing as a miracle, i'm never really gonna get what i want. And there's no friggin' way i'm gonna survive this, intact.
But...whatthefuck. I guess i'll just deal with whatever comes.

So i guess i know what impending doom feels like. And i think i'm sinking to a new level of passivity. 'Cause now i don't ever feel like doing anything. Or, to be precise, nothing means anything to me now. I don't want to do anything, i only do stuff 'cause i need to. I guess, in a way, i'm breaking down. And i can't stop it, or maybe i don't want to stop it, 'cause maybe before it gets any better, [i'm] headed for a cliff. And in the freefall i will realise that i'm better off when i hit the bottom. Maybe letting myself break down is a better choice. Better than pretending to myself and everyone else around me that i'm fine, when i'm so obviously not.

I'm walking a fine line, the sort i'm forced to, and the sort that i can't fail. I'm walking that fine line between someone with personality and preferences, and someone who listens to her parents and teachers and coach without fail and lives up to their high expectations. Someone you love, and someone eveyone else expects me to be. Maybe i shoud just give up this losing struggle. Be who i should be, what everyone wants me to be. What is expected of me, a projected image, a mirage, instead of the real me. Or maybe i should end all this shit, with the only way i know how. Running away. Running from the responsibilities and expectations, to somewhere i can rest in peace.

I'm just so tired. Of people making demands. Of people expecting me to do all those things. Of doing things to make them happy, when i have no interest whatsoever in what i'm doing. Of doing things, working hard, just to get their approval. FUCK. I am so sick of it all. Fuck.

all i wanted was you

Later. If i'm still alive.

P/S: as if anyone cares.

Rehab

2009-11-13T20:38:00.002+08:00

No, not the song. Me. No, i'm not on drugs or anything illegal like that. Only that i'm sure trying to get me off THIS drug is gonna be so much harder. Mind over matter, you say. But you see, the problem is that for me, in this case, it's all 'cause of the mind.

Haiz. I don't even know what the shit i'm writing anymore. And i guess i don't really care anymore. Suddenly i don't even feel like blogging. And it's so damn ironic, 'cause i'm losing the one reason why i don't blog, so theoretically i should blog more. But then again... welcome to real life, i guess. Where nothing really makes sense.

So this is gonna be a really short post. Yeah. Life sucks, etc. Fuck it all.

Later.

Last friggin' one

2009-10-10T20:40:00.004+08:00

The end is near.

Lol. I meant the end of exams. So here i am, researching for that crappy CID paper they added just to make us suffer more. Yeah, sadistic SOBs, i know, i know. So yeah, no time to talk, blah blah. Was nice typing this. See ya when i'm done with this crap. Aka exams. Yeah, i'm one depressed person. I know.

Later.

Random-ness

2009-07-09T20:49:00.004+08:00

The Part of You That No One Sees is Afraid

You are passionate, romantic, and emotional.

You put love first in your life, even though you have often been disappointed by it.

You expect to be swept of your feet, and you never expect infatuation to die out.

Underneath it all, you are scared that you aren't lovable.

Your insecurity has ruined many relationships, as you are unable to see the love that's really there.

You are secretly afraid of being alone. Confronting your insecurities is incredibly painful.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

Your Inner Pop Princess Is Kelly Clarkson

"Grew up in a small town

And when the rain would fall down

I'd just stare out my window

Dreaming of what could be"

No doubt about it, you have star quality. Might just take a while to get there.

Who's Your Inner Pop Princess?

Your Taste in Music:

Teen Pop: High Influence

Alternative Rock: Medium Influence

Adult Alternative: Low Influence

Nineties: Low Influence

Pop: Low Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

You Are 32% Girly

You are a pretty hardcore tomboy, and a very free spirit.

Gender roles be dammed, you like to do things your way.

How Girly Are You?

You Are Scary

You even scare scary people sometimes!

How Scary Are You?

You Are a Rocker Girl!

If you don't have musical talent, you've got a talent for picking out great CD's.

Music rules your life - and you've got the best MP3 collection of anyone you know.

Many guys find you intimidating, but a select few think you're the catch of a lifetime.

Start hanging out in more used record stores, and you'll find love with a fellow rocker!

What Kind of Girl Are You?

You Will Sleep With 1 Person

Better get cracking!

How Many People Will You Sleep With?

Your Relationship Will Last... A Long Time!

Your guy is ideal, as close to Mr. Perfect as he could be

If you took this quiz, you may be doubting that...

Don't! No guy is perfect but yours comes really close

You guys will last for many years, as long as you appreciate him!

How Long Will Your Relationship With Your Guy Last?

It's 90% Love and 10% Lust

You and your guy are truly in love, even if that spark seems to be a little dimmer.

Are Your Feelings For Him Lust or Love?

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from The Empire Strikes Back

"Captain, being held by you isn't quite enough to get me excited."

What Famous Movie Kiss Are You?

You're a Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance.

You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea.

For you, the perfect kiss involves the perfect mood.

It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet.

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

You Are Trusting In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often.

In relationships, you tend to be a bit selfish.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

You Can Make 53% of Your Crushes Fall in Love With You

You certainly have this dating thing down - and you know how to charm most people.

And when your charm seems broken, just think back to what has worked in the past.

You have the tools to make almost anyone fall in love with you - you just have to put them into action.

Can You Make Anyone Fall in Love With You?

Roses Say You're Very Affectionate

You are a classic romantic who believes in true love.

You often experience deep emotions and feel warmth toward almost everyone.

You are a bundle of positive feelings and sweetness.

You can are easily hurt, and people should be careful with your heart.

What Do The Flowers You Pick Say About You?

You Are Catwoman

"Life's a bitch. Now so am I."

What Superheroine Are You?

You Are 67% Bitchy

While you may not think of yourself as the ice queen, admit it, you're often in a bad mood.

And it's those around you who often bear the brunt of your annoyance, even if they haven't done anything wrong!

How Bitchy Are You?

Your Lust Quotient: 43%

You are definitely a lustful person, but you do a good job of hiding it.

Your friends would be surprised to know that your secretly very wild!

How Much Lust Do You Have?

You Are 16% Slacker

You are anything but a slacker. You're truly a go getter.

You never let laziness get in the way of living your life - and you can't stand to see it in others.

Are You a Slacker?

You Are Bold And Brave

But are you daring? Not usually.

You tend to make calculated risks.

So while you may not be base jumping any time soon...

You are up for whatever is new and (a little) exciting!

How Daring Are You?

You Are Fearless

You have great dreams and unrelenting ambition. You go for what you want, and it's hard to deter you.

You are incredibly competent and intelligent. You've had a very high success rate in your life.

You tend to dominate people. You have a very strong personality, and others tend to heed to your demands.

You're confident enough to be considered arrogant. You tend to think of other people in terms of what they can do for you.

Are You Flirtatious, Fearless, Factual, or Friendly?

Your Love Life is Like Titanic

"Promise me you'll survive. That you won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless."

You think that you only really have one true love in your life. And that you better to anything and everything to be with that person.

You tend to be very nostalgic about past loves that didn't work out. There are many secret feelings that you keep to yourself.

Your love style: Deep and emotional

Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Bittersweet

What Movie Is Your Love Life Like?

You are a Total Romantic

For you, love is like a fairy tale.

Or magic. Or a Meg Ryan movie.

Problem is, you sort of want all three.

You bring the spark in the relationship

In turn, you expect your guy to keep the fire burning

Not a bad deal, as long as you find the right Prince.

Are You a Romantic or Realistic Girl?

You Are Chocolate

You make people feel euphoric and dreamy. You're very addicting.

You definitely drive people to passion, lust, and even obsession.

While you are quite sensual, you are also comforting.

You sure know how to work your magic. It doesn't take long to get someone to love you.

What Aphrodisiac Are You?

Your Ideal Marriage Proposal Is

After dinner at your favorite restaurant, at the spot where you first kissed.

What's Your Ideal Marriage Proposal?

You Should Honeymoon in Europe!

You are a traditional romantic at heart...

With a taste for fine wine, museums and beautiful walks.

You and your sweetie should get romantic in a cafe in Paris

Or get a Eurail pass - and see as many cities as possible!

Suggested destinations: Paris, Venice, London, Greece

Where Would Your Dream Guy Take You on Your Honeymoon?

Your Dress Says You're Upscale Stylish

Your Personal Style:

Classic and elegant. You prefer to make a statement with a few quality pieces.

Your Ideal Wedding:

Traditional and formal, but not tacky. You think the most beautiful weddings are understated.

Your Philosophy on Marriage:

It's a serious commitment, and the couple entering it should be ready to work for their relationship.

Your Perfect Marriage:

Is calm, stable, deep, and meaningful.

The Wedding Dress Test

You Are a Skin Deep Sweetheart

You may be supermodel gorgeous or a plain Jane.

It really doesn't matter, because you're confident and secure.

You don't go out looking like a slob, but you are low maintenance.

You have better things to worry about than whether your nails are the right shade!

Are You a Vain Girl?

The PJ's You Are Most Like: His Shirt

You're a loyal and caring girlfriend who can't get enough of her man

So much so that you love to have him with you 24-7

And when he's gone, wearing his shirt is the next best thing

What Kind of PJ's Girl Are You?

He's a Great Boyfriend

You guy definitely loves you and knows how to treat you right.

You have a five star boyfriend - so make sure you treat him right too!

Is He a Good Boyfriend?

You Are a Blue Crayon

Your world is colored in calm, understated, deep colors.

You are a loyal person, and the truest friend anyone could hope to find.

On the inside, you tend to be emotional and even a bit moody.

However, you know that people depend on you. So you put on a strong front.

Your color wheel opposite is orange. Orange people may be opinionated, but you feel they lack the depth to truly understand what they're saying.

What Color Crayon Are You?

This is cute. =)

You Are a Soft Kisser

Your kissing style is understated, but effective

You give soft, sweet, and soulful kisses.

And the key is, you only give kisses to someone incredibly special

Because you don't just go around kissing anyone

What's Your Kissing Style?

Your Envy Quotient: 42%

You are an envious person, but only at times.

Perhaps certain situations trigger your envy. Or maybe you're especially jealous when you're feeling insecure.

Instead of letting that green monster out, work on making your own life better.

And then maybe people will be envious of you.

How Much Envy Do You Have?

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy:

Your propensity for monogamy is high.

You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person.

And in return, you expect the same from who you love.

Any sign of straying, and you'll end things.

Experience Level:

Your experience level is medium.

You probably have had a couple significant loves.

And you may have even had your heart broken.

But you haven't really dated a wide variety of people.

Dominance:

Your dominance is low.

This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced.

You know a relationship is not about getting your way.

And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom.

Cynicism:

Your cynicism is low.

You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance.

No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter.

You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate.

And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon.

Independence:

Your independence is low.

This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships.

It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life.

In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together.

The Five Variable Love Test

You Are a Purple Flower

A purple flower tends to represent success, grace, and elegance.

At times, you are faithful like a violet.

And other times, you represent luxury, like a wisteria.

And more than you wish, you find yourself heartbroken like a lilac.

What Color Flower Are You?

You Believe that Love is Devotion

When you think of love, you think of committing to one person for the rest of your life.

In love, you see things how they could be. You are wrapped up in your own dreams.

If you are in love, you like to keep it a secret for a while. It feels more special that way.

You are somewhat patient in love. You can wait for the right person, but once you have found the right one, you're very impatient.

The Rose Test

You Are 36% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul.

You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess.

You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection.

You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

Ookay... So maybe i AM a psychopath.

Your Quirk Factor: 45%

You're a pretty quirky person, but you're just normal enough to hide it.

Congratulations - you've fooled other people into thinking you're just like them!

How Quirky Are You?

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom

People find you to be: Loyal, honest, and comforting

Your best trait: You are comfortable with who you are, and you don't pretend to be someone you're not

What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

You Are 76% Borderline

Many signs point toward you having a borderline personality.

It's probably a good idea to seek therapy. Or at least read a self help book.

Do You Have a Borderline Personality?

Your True Love Is an Aquarius

Why you'll love an Aquarius:

Independent yet devoted, you'll appreciate the unique approach to love Aquarius takes.

You both see love as a bit of a game, and Aquarius will challenge you until you're completely hooked.

Why an Aquarius will love you:

You're secure enough to give Aquarius tons of space - even if it means separate interests and friends.

You have the brains to keep Aquarius engaged and curious. And the passion to change the world together!

What Sign Is Your True Love?

I swear i didn't look at the answers first or anything. =) But it rocks.

Your Wrath Quotient: 66%

Everyone around you pretty much fears your wrath... which is probably what you want.

But just remember, there's a very thin line between fear and hate!

How Much Wrath Do You Have?

You Are 68% Pure

Well, you're not exactly an angel - but you're pretty darn close.

You don't have much of a naughty past... nothing all that scandalous anyway.

But there's a good chance you have a couple juicy secrets deep in your closet!

You've had a couple wild adventures. And you probably keep the details to yourself.

How Pure Are You?

Your Element Is Fire

Your passion and emotion are as obvious as the brightest flame.

You make sparks fly, and your passion always has the potential to burst out.

You are exciting and creative - and completely unpredictable.

You sometimes exercise control, and sometimes you let yourself go.

Friends describe you as sensitive, spirited, and compulsive.

Bright and blazing with intensity, you seem mysterious and moody to many.

What's Your Element?

You Have Many Alpha Tendencies

You're not a total alpha female, but you certainly know how to - and like to - get your way.

You're forceful without being intimidating. You're confident without being vain. A perfect mix.

Are You an Alpha Female?

Your Superpower Should Be Manipulating Fire

You are intense, internally driven, and passionate.

Your emotions are unpredictable - and they often get the better of you.

Both radiant and terrifying, people are drawn to you.

At your most powerful, you feel like the world belongs to you.

Why you would be a good superhero: You are obsessive enough to give it your all

Your biggest problem as a superhero: Your moodiness would make it difficult to control your powers

What Should Your Superpower Be?

You Are a Dragon

You are very charismatic and incredibly popular.

People are drawn to your energy, but you are a very difficult person to get to know.

You are very active. You are usually hard at work or play.

You enjoy drama, and you enjoy anything unusual or eccentric.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

I have a nagging feeling that this time, it's just me...

2009-06-22T11:18:00.003+08:00

Lol. Dunno what's with the title. Randomness. Holidays are ending. They're talking about extending it. Due to the swine flu (sorry, H1N1) thing. Don't really know why, but i can't stop thinking of it as swine flu. Makes it less scary, i guess. This...pandemic (yeah, they're using that now) kinda made me think about stuff. Not that i'm really worried or anything, which is kinda weird, 'cause you'd think that being old enough to understand death (in a way) would make me scared. But i'm not. Didn't mean to sound cocky/ arrogant/ fearless. 'Cause i'm not. Just that it's this...thought that "it'll never be me". Even though time and again we hear stories of how that thought is proven wrong, but they're so...impersonal that that's all they'll ever be. Stories.

Anyway, back to thinking about stuff. Lol. More precisely, death. As in, yeah, i've thought about it (i mean, who hasn't?) but i've always been thinking of it as an ending. Like...to get rid of all emotions? As a way of finally getting peace. Sorry if i scared anyone. But now, i find myself actually thinking of what would happen if the people i know and love (like) are gone. Even those people i really can't stand. I know they say it's bad luck to talk/ think about this kinda stuff. But if i don't, i don't think i'll be...prepared for it when it comes. But still...TOUCH WOOD. 'Cause i'm really afraid of being all alone. It's an irrational fear, but it's still a fear. I don't think i'm afraid of dying. Mostly i'm just afraid of being alone when i die. But then i guess you're always alone when you die. Even if you're surrounded by people you know. And that's really scary, for me. I think that's why i'm always worried you'd leave me. 'Cause being with you seems so natural to me now. And i can't begin to imagine how it'll be without you. How much it'll hurt. And i guess all this is just really childish, in a way. Like a little girl who's afraid of the dark, even though there's really nothing to be afraid of. It's just the absence of light. But i guess all of us are just afraid of uncertainty. Like not knowing what could be lying in wait for you in the dark. Like not knowing what the future will bring.

I think this is kinda why i can't let go of things. How i don't really like change. 'Cause only NOW is certain. The past is gone, and the future is shrouded in mist, unclear. Only the present doesn't change. 'Cause it's now. Duh. And i guess i'm afraid of change. But sometimes it's for the better.

More next time, i hope.

Later.

To hell with global warming. We'll all burn in hell anyway.

2009-05-26T19:59:00.003+08:00

Don't know why i'm so negative these days. Isn't like anyone can tell anyway. And the reason i'm blogging this? 'Cause my blog is dead and no one comes here, so it doesn't matter if i'm being depressing.

That said, i'd rather whoever sees this don't tag me with sympathetic messages. 'Cause i'm not freaking doing this/ writing this for sympathy. That's just dumb, stupid, ridiculous and annoying. And obviously i'm none of the above. Oh no, i've never annoyed anyone/ been mean to anyone/ been really sarcastic to anyone. Especially not now. So you see, that's how i have so many friends. No, i'm definitely not being sarcastic.

What the fuck i honestly don't know what's wrong with me. Some days i wake up and i don't want to go to school. 'Cause it isn't worth going. Some days i just feel so alone. Like (almost) no one cares about me. Like there's (almost) nothing worth living for.

Zz. Maybe i'll get referred to a psychologist after people read this. As in, people who don't know me. To hell with it.

Speaking of hell, i think i'm going there when i die. I mean, not that i really believe there's hell - i've never really believed in an afterlife till you came along - but the concept of hell, as a place where people have to face the consequnces of the bad/ evil things they've done. And i think that despit some people who might think that being a good/"guai" student like me, i could do no wrong, they are SO wrong. There're so many things i wished i didn't do or wished i could've done better.

...okay, now i'm starting to scare myself. That looked like a suicide note/ letter. NOT that i'd have any idea how one would look like. (Of 'cause not, no way.) And i need to stop being depressing.

Cross-country tomorrow. Hope i don't die. (crosses fingers and prays hard) OR maybe it won't make any difference. Except to you.

Later.

Who says teenagers don't do anything?

2009-03-16T11:52:00.004+08:00

Okay whatever. I know i haven't been posting for a really long time and you can't blame me. Really busy and exhausted. Physically and emotionally. Anyway netball zonals just over. To all netballers: WE DID GREAT. Fought hard and everything. Even those who didn't play (like me). I'm sure the encouragement was helpful? Anyway GOOD JOB everyone. Love you people. Happy holidays btw. (Yeah i know it's late.)

Holidays. Should've known it'd be yet another opportunity for teachers to give us moutains of homework. Seriously, what holiday? I don't care, i want to go out at least twice this march hols. Therefore the chionging of homework on the first day of holidays. Yeah, right now. But i suppose it'll be worth it. So the outings better be good. Or else. Lol. Kidding. But yeah, i really need to TAKE A BREAK.

... Actually been thinking about some really deep and dark stuff. But dun wanna spoil this post's "happy" vibe, even if it's kinda put on. Dun get me wrong, i'm glad of the holidays, i love the fact that i got my phone back. But sometimes things seem pretty empty. Like, meaningless. I'm seriously scaring myself and i think i'm gonna stop now.

Happy holidays people. Dun be an emo kia like me. (And yeah, i'm changing. Emo-ing drains alot of energy.)

Later.

XO

2009-02-15T18:44:00.002+08:00

Happy (damn belated) Valentine's Day! As you can see my blog is dead, but i'm not and neither is my love for all of you. Haha lol. Love ya all 2a + RVNB + whoever loves me back. =)

Later. (Okay, alot later.)

P/S: Incidentally that (points at title) is a song by FOB. And i didn't go for the concert. Yes, i'm still sore about that fact. Especially when others are going on and on about it.

Holiday VII

2008-11-29T22:24:00.002+08:00

... Okay. Really dun feel like talking about my holiday liao. I'm boring myself. LOL. So just briefly... Today went to yang ming shan. IT WAS FREAKIN' COLD!!! I was freezing my butt off there. The view was pretty good. And a cool restaurant with quite good food. The restaurant doesn't have a menu. The food served is like, decided on the spur of the moment by the chef or something. Pretty cool. =)

LOL. That's all about today. And I STILL HAVEN'T GOT SOUVENIRS FOR THE GUYS! Whatthehell... Gonna go shopping tomorrow. Anyway. Gonna start a new post.

Later.

Holiday VI

2008-11-28T22:18:00.002+08:00

To those who think my holiday updates are interesting... You guys are lucky i changed my mind. You should thank the person who changed my mind. I was gonna stop posting 'cause i felt too sian. Oh well. But now i feel obliged to continue. I think i'll just post when i feel like, though. Not everyday. Today... Was boring. And disappointing. Went all the way from taipei to hsinchu before lunch. For a strawberry farm which was totally run-down and crappy. So went all the way back for dinner. Like, whatthehell?! LOL. You know i hate disappointments. But, well. That's life, i guess. Though the spam smses (though i'd save all of 'em if i could) brightened my day. =) Loved it. Thanks! (you-know-who)

Anyway not much stuff to blog about except that i'll upload the pics really soon... Okay, maybe with the class chalet ones i hope to take? Haha.

Later.

Holiday V

2008-11-27T21:50:00.002+08:00

DAY 5
Okay. I'm seriously getting lazier. I think i'm just gonna post the highlights of the day. Like today, didn't do anything much. Just shopped. And i'm glad to say that i got souvenirs for all the 2A girls already. =) So i'm just left with the guys' stuff. Which is gonna be so much harder. Haiz. Any ideas, guys? LOL.

... Anyway i'm so outta things to talk about. Other than some...thoughts. I'm so SO freakin' depressed. Haiz. I miss smsing you so much. Damn. I feel so dumb. A couple of days and i can't stand it. So SO dumb. I felt so tempted to sms you today. Haiz. =(

Later.

Holiday IV

2008-11-26T21:38:00.003+08:00

DAY 4
I'm getting lazier... And i've been feeling guilty lately. For eating too much. LOL. Gotta cut down. But kinda hard in taiwan. Anyway, woke up quite early in the morning (still can't kick the habit of waking up early), went for breakfast. Slacked in the hotel room for awhile, watched TV.

Went out later for spa. =) Took a few pics and will post them when i get back. LOL. It was a rather...interesting experience. Got lunch, slacked again. Went to danshui by train. It's kinda a park with wildlife and recreation. Like arcades, street vendors, whatever. Sat on a bench and stared at mudskippers and waterbirds for like, an hour, waiting for the sun to set. I'm not a nature kinda person, but it's quite fascinating. The sun finally set and i finally got some pics. Walked around the street stalls for awhile after that. Realised yet another career path was closed - i suck at shooting with a gun. LOL.

Walked around some more, and took a couple more pics. Will post pics. Got dinner, went for some retail therapy. Bought the top i was looking for (to go with my shoes/ boots). I was omg so happy. I guess retail therapy does help cheer me up. If only temporarily. Haiz. This sucks. Wished i could freakin' sms. Argh. Damn. Am so SO pissed. Or depressed. Whatever. Haiz. Still got like, 5 more days. =( Hell... Forget it. Not in the mood to blog liao. Stupid.

Later.
missyoumissyouloveyouloveyou

Holiday III

2008-11-25T22:05:00.006+08:00

Hey. Here again to crap about my day. =)

DAY 3

Morning was pretty uneventful. Woke up, had breakfast and all that. Then went out to taipei mrt station. (Yeah. There're mrt stations.) Guess what? There're like stalls/ shops along the underground passages. Wanted to buy a pair of shoes (boots?) that caught my eye, but there wasn't my size. Stupid. =( Why are my feet so huge? Anyway, wandered around some more but didn't buy anything else. Okay, so i bought a keychain thing, but it doesn't count luhhs. It was cheap. Spied an arcade and decided to spend some money without buying anything. Went in and PLAYED. LOL. Realised that i totally SUCK at drums. So it's kinda a good thing that i didn't try it in singapore (with all those people watching). The arcade was really empty.

Went for lunch after that. Wandered around abit more and made my way back to the hotel slowly. Slept for awhile. (Erratic sleeping habits, remember?) Got up, watched TV in the hotel. (I know. No-lifer.) Went out, took the mrt to jiantan. There was something wrong with my token. LOL. Talk about unlucky. The first time i take public transport in taipei and something has to go wrong. Anyway, got to shilin night market (dunno what it's called luhhs) and really shopped.

Saw a stall selling REALLY HUGE sausages. And there was alot of food. ALOT. Someone would have liked it. Realised that i really can't stand the smell of stinky toufu. Well, 'cause it stinks. No offence, but i felt like puking when i smelt it. It smells like the garbage dump or something. Yuck. Anyway, not the point. There were plenty of shops. Selling clothes/ shoes/ accessories. Yay.

And OHMIGOSH I'M SO HAPPY. Finally got the shoes (boots?) i've been eyeing. Oh yeah. Finally. But it was pretty expensive. 750 in taipei currency. Which is like, 30+ singapore dollars. But who cares. Definitely worth it. Sister got similar shoes (boots) too. Shopped around awhile more, but didn't get anything else. Aim: get a top before end of the trip. Went back to the hotel.

Oh, one more thing. Traffic in taipei is TREACHEROUS. (Treacherous traffic in taipei.) Sometimes i wonder how i manage to cross the roads without anything happening to me. (Or the cars. Ha.) LOL. Anyway running outta stuff to say. Tag me soon. Please. You know who you are.
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou

Later.

Holiday II

2008-11-24T21:06:00.004+08:00

I'm back! =) Okay, so admittedly it's only a day. But one day's REALLY long for me when i can't sms. It's like, everytime i see something interesting i wanna share i unconsciously start reaching for my phone. Damn the overseas sms cost. Grr. Anyway, here's more about today...

DAY 2
Woke up early. Why the hell do i wake up early, even during the holidays/ when i'm overseas? That is one of those weird quirks of mine. Like, if i sleep fairly early (like 10 or 11) then i can't sleep till later than 9 or something. Anyway. Totally digressing. Went for breakfast at the hotel restaurant. Then went out to hang out. Like, walked around, wandered into a couple of shops but nothing much - didn't buy anything.

Got back to hotel after a couple of hours of AIMLESS wandering. Slept for awhile. My sleeping pattern's getting really erratic. After this trip (and the chalet after that), i'm not sure if i'll be able to sleep at night anymore. Haha, maybe that isn't a bad thing. LOL. I'm totally crapping. Today dun really feel like blogging.

Went to Taipei 101 after that. It was COLD at the 91st floor. (There're 101 floors btw. Duh. But the lift only works up till 89. Then have to climb stairs.) There wasn't much to see, mainly 'cause of this fog/ mist/ pollution. Whatever. Could see the "bright lights of the city" when darkness fell. It got dark freakin' early. Like, 6 plus. Whatthehell?! Will post the pics when i get home. Ha. Kinda blurred, 'cause my photography skills suck anyway. After that, went for dinner and got back to hotel. Tomorrow's gonna be alot of lazing around, and i'm determined to buy stuff. For you people. Aww. So dun complain.

That's all for today. Just wanna say i'm seriously...i really want to get home... =( So missing you. Reply...
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
Later.

Holiday I

2008-11-23T21:21:00.009+08:00

Okay. Since i dun wanna be totally outta touch with the rest of the world - the rest of my world, i'm gonna blog daily about my trip. So you guys can hear about what i'm doing and go green with envy. But mostly so that i can crap and won't feel so bored. Yeah, i know. You guys must think i'm crazy. I mean, bored on a holiday? Like totally whatthehell. But that's me. And frankly i'd rather stay back home 'cause of...you. Anyway, i'll just get straight to the recount and save the crap (for the next post).
_________________________________________________________

DAY 1
Woke up waayy early. Okay, early for a day in school hols. But still, it was around 5. Did some last minute packing, rushed around looking for stuff, the usual. Managed to be on time for the cab to the airport though. Got to airport too early so we (in case anyone's wondering who i was with, i was with my family. Duh.) hung around the duty-free shops. LOL. Window shopping. I know, but we were bored. Sent my last sms before boarding. No prizes for guessing. Duh.

Boarded plane but cut it kinda close. Gate was closing, so had to rush a little. LOL. Irony. Get there too early, but end up late for boarding. Anyway, flight was really short. 4 hours, so nothing much to do. Listened to some music, played some multi-player games with my sis and we reached. Customs at Taipei took a looong time. Stupid queue. LOL. But in the end managed to get through all of that and got a cab to the hotel. The hotel's pretty okay. The best (damn) thing? The hotel has FREE internet connection in the room. (Hence the tagging. And the blogging. And the surfing of internet.) The catch is that need to get password from hotel reception everyday. Oh well. Small price to pay. Figuratively.

After all that slacking, (and very little breakfast/ lunch/ brunch), we finally went out for dinner. BUFFET dinner. LOL. Shall not bore y'all with the details of the buffet. Gluttony... Will post the pics when i get home, since i obviously (stupidly) forgot to bring my USB thumbdrive, so i can't transfer pics from my phone. Sadly. LOL.

And after THAT, went to a bookstore. 24-hr bookstore. Saw several books that i felt tempted to buy, but decided to save my cash for other stuff. In the end, only bought a piano score book. To those who are shocked (or have been shocked), yes, i play the piano. Then went back to hotel and bathed. Therefore am now slacking and blogging. Duh.
_________________________________________________________

That ends my day. Will be going to sleep...sometime. LOL. Blog more soon. And you're all welcome to sms me. Just that i won't reply. I'll probably reply on your blog/ my blog/ email/ something/ whatever. Anyway, an sms will be greatly appreciated. =) You know. Even though i dun want you to exceed. Sorry. I'm insecure that way.

Later.

Reviews and apologies

2008-11-19T09:09:00.002+08:00

Been re-watching HSM 1 and 2 lately. And just went to watch HSM 3 recently. Conclusion? The show's becoming increasingly..."commercialised. (Quoted.) HSM 3 was...pretty bad. There was practically NO plot. Thanks to the songs, it wasn't THAT bad. But even some of the songs were pretty dull. How many times can people listen to similar melodies being recycled for different songs without getting bored? The lyrics were okay, though. My favourite songs? "Right Here, Right Now", "Can I Have This Dance", "The Boys Are Back" and "Scream". The rest were nice, but - like the word nice - pretty bland. Doesn't stick in my memory. Sorry if i was overly critical or whatever. But when there's anticipation, there's bound to be disappointment. I know i'm such a hypocrite. Saying so much good stuff about HSM and then now this. But i guess that's just how it is.

... Walao. I saw the Twilight movie trailer and i'm totally DISILLUSIONED. Edward Cullen in the movie isn't what i'd imagined. I'm crushed, devastated. How could they do this? Bella isn't that bad - pretty chio, actually. But apparently someone thinks otherwise. Okay, so maybe i'm not a guy so i'm not a very good judge. And maybe i was a LITTLE biased about EDward. But still, WHATTHEHELL. We (Twilight/ Edward fans) deserve better. And for the record, i'm not crazy over Edward. (Duh.) I just like the story. LOL. I just like romance. And when i'm not thinking about romance (mine or otherwise), i like fantasy. And i've always liked mythical creatures and legends. Okay, maybe that's under fantasy. Anyway, that's why i like the Twilight Saga. And now the movie (okay, just the trailer) might destroy my idealistic fantasy. But i'll still be watching. Even if it's just so that i can complain about how bad the movie was. Quoting again, the movie's totally "commercialised".

Some news: I MADE THE TEAM! I shouldn't say that too much 'cause i'd sound egoistic, but YAY. That means i have to train harder though. But whatever it takes. And it'll cut into more of my...social life, too. Like my class chalet. Really sorry. =( Forgive me? Sorry...

Anyway. Social life aside, i'm still thrilled about netball. Seems like i really love it, and not just for the CCA points. I'm not THAT shallow.

But... Seriously, sorry. I know it means alot to you, but i can't pon. I'm just not...that kind of person. I'm sorry. Hope you can see it my way and dun stay too mad at me. It's just in the evenings. I'll still be there in the mornings + afternoons + nights. Which is very important. Sorry.

And i'm gonna be outta town for awhile, so no posts for some time. Then class chalet, so i'll be busy. Will try to post when i gey back. Class chalet is gonna be...fun. (Understatement.)

Later.

The end.

2008-11-13T12:02:00.002+08:00

Okay, technically it isn't REALLY the end, as someone tells me. But it sure feels that way. It's hard not to get attached to a class you've been in for 2 years, yeah? Haiz. I never was any good at saying goodbye. So i'm not gonna. Maybe i'm just fooling myself but living in denial's a pretty good way of keeping from depression. So maybe we can still meet up for chalets and outings next year during the school hols. I guess it wouldn't be that bad if there was something to look forward to?

Damn. Who am i kidding? Damn damn damn &*$%#. What the hell... I dun wanna say goodbye. "If we were a movie"... But that's not possible, so i guess we just have to make the most of the time we have left. Yeah. Hoping i can go for the class outings and stuff.

Not really in the mood to blog. Will post more (soon). Keep me away from sharp objects.

Later.

Withdrawal syndromes of a you-addict: almost-depression, thinking too much.

2008-10-26T20:13:00.007+08:00

LOL. Really long time since i last posted. Since exams are over will try to post more. (But somehow i dun think that's possible. Middle name = procrastination.)

Haiz. Post-exams days feel so...empty. Like no aim, y'know? I dunno, maybe it's 'cause i'm a really goal-oriented person, but when there's nothing to work for i just kinda...drift. And think. Alot. (Dun worry, i'll stop when it starts to hurt my head. Which seems to be very quickly.)

Been thinking about...stuff. Like end of the year. End of 2A. Okay, technically it isn't the end, 'cause we're all still gonna see each other in school from time to time and blah blah. But it won't feel the same anymore. Sure, most of us might end up in the same class. But it won't be the same. So i guess i just wanna make the most of the time left. However much is left.

I really hate saying good-byes. I mean, if i try, if i really try, i think i can just about make it through the farewells with a brave front and false cheer. It's about time i thought of someone else other than myself, anyway. Not to bring up old (and possibly painful) memories, but the way i behaved on that Saturday... Let's just say although it wasn't technically saying goodbye, i didn't make things any easier for anyone.

Sometimes i dunno what to do. Like whether letting my true emotions show is better or will i help those i love by pretending to be happy? Maybe they won't like to be kept in the dark, but i just can't bear to hurt them. 'Cause it hurts me to see them hurt. I guess i'm just selfish that way. Dun know why people continue hanging out with me.

Anyway. Although strictly speaking, this isn't supposed to be an emo post, it isn't exactly gonna be a happy one. I guess you've gathered as much from the stuff i've been rambling on about. Let's just say i've had a lot of time to think.

Since i'm talking about sad, serious stuff, let's go for something really serious. Academically, i mean. Yeah. Subject combinations. Y'know, ever since the subject combi thing became something to really talk about, i've been kinda dreading it. And then came this...whole thing, and now i'm even more reluctant to think about it. 'Cause thinking about it would mean making a decision about it, and making a decision somehow just makes the end seem to draw closer. I know, i know, it's a psychological thing. A fear of unknown, i guess. I just dun like uncertainties in my life. Which is probably why i cling on so hard to my certainty. (Singular, see?) Even though it really makes me seem needy and clingy and desperate at times.

Anyway back to the subject of subject combi. I've never really thought of what i want to be. When i was younger (that makes me sound old), i've had ideas of being a vet, zookeeper, biologist, whatever. I used to be really in love with animals. I suppose you could call that my first love? LOL. Kidding. The point is, once i've stopped being so naive and became more cynical... I just kinda lost my focus in life. Like, when i was younger, i wanted to do well in science 'cause my parnts told me i had to if i wanted to be a vet. And i just did what my parents wanted me to, since well, i was kinda 'guai'. Now, i dun know what i want in life. Okay, maybe not so general. More like i dunno what i want from my studies, my career, whatever. I want to do well in school, but that's about as far as i get. Do well in what areas? I'm starting to question a lot of stuff. I used to love sciences, now i'm more into literature. It doesn't change the fact that i'm better at sciences, since my foundation is stronger. I'm just...confused, i guess.

Whatever. I think... I want to put on a different mask for this 2 weeks before the end of school; the start of holidays. I'm gonna try being loud and noisy and cheerful and all the things you (people) love me for. I'm not gonna spend the rest of my sec 2 school days making others emo 'cause of my emo-ness. I'll be a good girl from now on. By good girl, i mean: caring friend, responsible team member, committed player, good daughter, and a good best friend. I mean what i say, so try and make things easier for me? I want to make a "clean break", 'cause i know this can't carry on. We both know. I guess we should stop pretending otherwise. Maybe in a few years' time.

Before you...my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason. ... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy...When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.

Later.

P/S: Just a quote. Doesn't mean i'm gonna do anything, but... Dun read too much into it. Some people like quoting from songs, i like quoting from books.

Emo emu. LOL.

2008-09-29T19:16:00.003+08:00

Yay. Finally updating again. LOL. Dunno what's with my mood swings lately. Something to do with the dizziness and headaches and almost-fainting spells. Or maybe i've always been like this. LOL. Just took me long to realise.

Dunno what's wrong with me lately. As in, yeah, i know i'm gonna fall sick soon. Hopefully either this week or not at all. 'Cause EOYs then class gathering then slacking and stuff. So...yeah. And my memory's getting worse. I dun wanna forget. I mean, there're stuff i wish never happened and wished i could erase them. But if it means taking away all the great memories of us... I'd rather live with the bad ones.

That was kinda random. But felt kinda good. Maybe now i'll stop causing my art knife/ pen knife to rust. LOL. (Okay, maybe not so LOL.)

Anyway... Kinda sucky speech today. Was all i could do not to black out. Couldn't concentrate on what i was saying. Kinda like after PE. My heart was like suddenly thumping damn fast, for god knows what reason. Wasn't even because of the exercise. And my chest felt really tight, like someone was squeezing my ribcage. Could hardly breathe. My vision sorta blurred around the edges. Felt really dizzy. And the whole thing was damn freaky. As in, it's not the first time ever, but the first in like, half a year. Freaky day.

Really scared that something's gonna happen to me, actually. Not being melodramatic here. (Wish i were though.) It's a premonition thing. Like, something really bad's gonna happen. (No, not EOYs. Though it IS a pretty bad thing. LOL.) To quote: "If it happens, i'll be right but screwed. If it doesn't, i'll be wrong but happy". Or something like that. =)

Thought of posting some more lines and stuffs i thought up, but decided against it. Too morbid, and i dun wanna spoil this post's "not-emo" vibe. LOL. Maybe next time, when i'm more emo. Just managed to bring things under control. Dun wanna set off another tear-fest. LOL.

Later.

Anorexia?!

2008-09-21T11:19:00.003+08:00

LOL. Short entry:

Didn't know speech and drama was that...interesting. And fun. =) LOL. And slack. Ha. (winks)

Nothing much to blog. Not supposed to be blogging actually. Doing it furtively while pretending to be researching for my LA speech. I'm doing anorexia. Yeah, i know, change of topic. And doesn't even relate to me. Except maybe i'm the exact opposite of an anorexic person. Quoted from someone. LOL. Think my speech's gonna suck. But if my sucky speech can get you a higher grade, i guess i'll live with it. 'Cause that's the least i could do to...repay you. Or something. I won't suck on purpose. I dun have to, anyway.

Starting to sound like an emo post... It's scary how easily i can get emo, but i'm not gonna let that happen. At least not today. Or tomorrow. "One dose should keep me going for a couple of days". LOL. Never mind if you dun get it. As long as someone does.

Still have to work on my evil laugh... [insert (un-)evil laugh here] LOL. Must believe that i can do it. =) "How can i fail with you rooting for me?" (Another famous quote from you.)

Gotta go before i get busted. LOL. Guess it's time to start working on my speech.

Later.

Emotional rollercoaster

2008-09-01T11:41:00.002+08:00

Wow. Now i totally believe it when they say something will happen if you think hard enough about it. And telepathy. And scary (but well-timed) coincidences. Sometimes i just love the way stuff (sorta) works out. Anyway haven't had a proper post lately cos 1) too busy and 2) too emo. Now that i've actually found the time to blog (actually, blogging under the pretense of doing e-learning), i realise there isn't much to blog about. LOL. Maybe gonna be a little random.

Coaching CIP at henry park primary today. THE KIDS ARE SO CUTE! But kinda rude. Oh well who cares. I guess kids these days grow up faster, blah blah blah. Wish i could go again tomorrow, but apparently we can only go for one day 'cause our B div team has too many people. LOL. Never mind. I'll get my exercise tomorrow. Badminton. Yay. But somehow dun feel as enthusiastic. Doesn't mean i dun wanna play though. But still.

Holiday homework. Finished LA essay and draft for chinese compo. Muahaha. But ran out of gao2 zhi3 so can't write out. Need to buy. =( Anyway not going to school till friday, so not gonna hand in till friday. Ha. (And you thought i was guai?) Attempting to print out scanned pages of math workbook, since i didn't bring it home. Again. Kinda pissed with myself liao. LOL.

More serious stuff: subject combination. I guess i'm gonna take triple science after all. My parents knew of my...obsession with E lit. so they suggested triple science eith E lit. as the humans. Great. It's not so much of the subject itself, more of who's taking what. Considering Bi-cultural. Parents think it's a waste of time, but (as usual) i dun agree. Call me biased but that's the way i am. Will take Bi-cultural if there's motivation. (Hint, hint.) Just dun throw it away for me.

Hopefully can finish holiday homework by thursday. Then can slack for awhile. Before my mom starts nagging at me to study for EOYs.

Later.

Life sucks. Period.

2008-08-25T19:18:00.002+08:00

Life sucks. I dun know why i'm even bothering to continue. Not being suicidal here. Just matter-of-fact. Doesn't mean i'm not emo. That's pretty much all i am these days. Sorry for screwing up the history prez. I suck. Lousy presentation from me. The rest of you were great. Sorry for being such a lousy group member. Sorry.

Later.

OM

2008-08-23T20:41:00.002+08:00

Great. Just great. Who knew making desicions were this hard? "I really need a lucky break." And maybe some things finally going my way. For once.

Later.

Not your fault

2008-08-21T19:30:00.002+08:00

I guess partly it's my fault. And totally not your fault kae? Stop beating yourself up over it. Haiz. Sometimes i wonder why i'm still doing this. Goddamn hell. I really hope i didn't get you into (worse) trouble. Can still remember the last time i (almost) did. Really sorry. If anything happens, can you forgive me? Sorry. I never meant for this to happen. But i still can't stop hoping. I guess i never learn enough to stop being so..."hopelessly hopeful". And i dun go looking for sharp objects. I just find them lying there. Sorry.

Later.

Emo and stressed. Can't life ever be simple?

2008-08-18T17:28:00.002+08:00

Life sucks. Period. Can't things go the way they should? Dun fairytale endings ever happen? Haiz. Dun know how much more i can take. Guess i just dun know when to give up. I'm hopeless. Gonna study for Chemistry now. Dun wanna screw up my common tests, else my phone would be confiscated. Damn it.

Later.

Some people are so influential

2008-08-15T21:14:00.004+08:00

I may not the best person to say this, but can't you people stop emo-ing? (I know. Ironic. Who was the one who cried in school? LOL. But still.) I'm only saying this 'cause i actually care about you people, just like how you all were with me when i was emo. Dun emo kae? If not i'll feel emo as well.

...

Shit. I hate it when this happens. All of a sudden i'm feeling emo. It's like, it sneaks up on me and BAM, i feel emo. But not for no reason. Maybe i shouldn't be so easily influenced, but whatthehell, i feel emo after reading his post. And talking to ZM. And after what happened today. It's like i've been doing fine the whole..past couple of weeks or something. And now this. I guess i should have known it was just a matter of time before i relapsed. It's like some kinda withdrawal thing. Like emo-ing is something that's part of me now. Did any of you know this year was the year i cried the most? About the same as the number of times i cried from 2001 till 2007 dec 31. And it's not even the end of the year yet.

Crying wasn't my thing. Neither was emo-ing. When i was sad or emo, i used to get really pissed and start shouting at people so i wouldn't cry instead. But now, it's like i finally learnt to cry. Maybe it isn't that bad a thing. It showed me a side of myself i've never dared to let out. It's about time i found myself. And maybe this side of me, this more vulnerable side isn't that bad. Since i'm supposedly "unstable" and have so many mood swings, i guess i can continue doing that. Heck, I dun suppose people will be that surprised if i do myself in one of these days. It doesn't seem like such a bad idea now.

But then, i guess i was being really selfish. Even if i dun wanna think of myself, still gotta think of others. People who care about me, people who will be hurt. Or maybe i'm just deluding myself and no one (except someone) really cares.

Dun know what i'm writing. Dun really care. Dun care who reads this either. Just wanna get this outta my head. So much i wanna say. Argh. Dun you people know what is the meaning of PRIVACY? Like, personal space, time alone? I wanna do/ say the things i wanna do/ say. I hate it when there are so many stuffs to consider. I want my privacy back. I want it to continue being a secret, but i guess there's no turning back now. "Scandalous". Whatthehell. Too much publicity isn't a good thing. I never wanted this. I just wanted to be happy, okay? Whatthebloodyhell. NOW IT'S SO SCREWED. And i feel like doing something drastic. They all know anyway. What's the point?

They all think it's so...fun, so "cool" to hurt people where they're the weakest. So what if you know it all? I may do something to shock you all. Dun worry, if i'm gonna be punished it'll just be me. I'd rather die than let someone take the blame for/with me. I'll be responsible for the things i do. Ask no questions and i'll tell no lies. I dun wanna lie to people, but sometimes they leave me with no choice. So, sorry guys. It was never on purpose.

I need to talk to someone. It's not a want, it's a need. And i can tell it's not happening in the near future. Hell, is this really that wrong? If they can give me a better reason then maturity level and studies, i'm willing to listen. Otherwise, i think i'm quite sure of what i'm doing, thank you very much. And i'm not doing it for my image or my publicity or whatever crap you guys can come up with. I'm doing it for us. Enough said.

Emo-ness comes so easily but takes damn long to go away. But i welcome it back like an old friend. I'm such a weird person.

I'm on the brink of breakdown/ Need you there for me/ When the darkness ends, there's light

Later.

Can't think of one that would do this post justice

2008-08-10T20:41:00.002+08:00

I realise that *most* of the time when i post, it's just to talk about emo stuff. And emo in front of the computer. LOL. At least this one *won't* be an emo post. I *swear*. It's gonna be a random one. =) Dun say i didn't warn you.

Now, what shall i talk about? Ooh, i know. *National Day*. Or National Day celebrations in school, since i didn't really watch the parade on television. It was *kinda*...fun. Or interesting. Whatever. The marching was okay... But couldn't really see much, since i wasn't standing in front. LOL. Not that it would have made *much* difference. I mean, i'm not a UG person, so wouldn't have been able to tell if they were marching *properly*. Sec 1 foramtion thingy after that. Everyone went to the grandstand. Again, couldn't really see, this time 'cause of the pillar. LOL. But seemed quite good, taking into account the *short* time the Sec 1s were given to practise. So...yeah, well done. The performances were also pretty good. Compared to the usual stuff. No offence though. But kinda no link to National Day. I'm not complaining though. They can have this every year. =)

LOL. Didn't realise that crapping can take up *so* much space. Anyway, after school i had to stay back. Pacer's test. Spent time shooting, eating lunch and banging on the canteen/ hall piano. I think the canteen one *seriously* needs to be tuned. Then...pacer's test. And i'm happy to say i've improved! From 6.9 to 8.2. Yay for me. LOL. Went home. Slacked. Didn't do homework.

Anyway, since this *is* a random post, i shall announce that i ran 5km today. In 31.15 mins. Yay. Then went home and did sit-ups, push-ups and any other form of exercise i could think of. Dunno why, just had a sudden random burst of energy. Just *had* to do some exercise. Call me a health nut, but that's me for you.

And i got new specs! Okay, maybe it looks abit like my old one but whatever. And i wore contacts to school for the *first* time on friday. =) LOL. I'm *really* random. And i want breaking dawn! Can't believe that popular doesn't have stock. What. The. Hell. Damn. Guess i'll just have to wait, but the suspense is killing me. =(

Anyway not much left to talk about. My tagboard's *dying*. Gotta think of ways to save it. LOL.

There's a Chance You Could Be Violent

Overall, you're a pretty chill person - and you have a good handle on your emotions.

Sometimes your anger gets the best of you, and end up regretting how you act.

Try to curb your temper more often. It only has to get out of control once to do some damage.

Could You Be Violent?

LOL. Searching for my ex-classmates' blogs now. Shh. A little help would be appreciated. LOL. Found denise's and ryan's blogs. Still finding. *Very* busy. More soon.

Later.

Disappointed. But that's life, i guess

2008-08-06T19:40:00.002+08:00

Haiz. Kinda disappointed today, 'cause when i woke up i thought it would be a great day. Guess i was wrong - again. I never learn, do i? Maybe things will be different next time. I sure hope so. Short post today. Not really in the mood and school night anyway.

Later.

2008-08-01T22:45:00.002+08:00

You Could Be a Vampire... If You Had To

Like most people, the thought of being a vampire has crossed your mind. But you're not sure if you'd do it, even if you could.

Living forever doesn't sound half bad, if you could live forever with the people you love the most.

But do vampires even love? And would the vampire version of you even be you?

It's all too much to contemplate. Luckily, the chances of you ever becoming a vampire are astronomically low.

What you would like best about being a vampire: Living forever

What you would like least about being a vampire: Blood stained teeth

Could You Be a Vampire?

Your Kiss is Red

You are intense about kissing but easily distracted.

You kiss for attention, power, and passion.

It doesn't take a lot for you to want to kiss someone.

If you see a kissing opportunity, you always go for it!

Kissing Type: Kissaholic (admit it!)

People See Your Kisses as: Seductive

You Kiss Best With: An Orange Kisser

Stay away from: A Blue Kisser

What Color Is Your Kiss?

You Are a Light Pink Rose

You represent sweetness and grace.

Your vibe: Kind and gentle

Falling in love with you: is like falling in love with a best friend

What Color Rose Are You?

Guys Like That You're Charming

You're the girl most guys can't get out of their heads

Even if they met you on a bad hair day :-)

You just seem to "click" with everyone you meet

So even if a guy forgets about you for a second... his friends haven't!

What Do Guys Like About You?

Your Love is Represented by a Orange Rose

When you're in love, you tend to be overwhelmed and consumed by desire.

You develop fascinations with people easily, and they're sometimes even borderline obsessions!

You tend to come on strong. Your love is as hot as a flame.

What Rose Represents Your Love?

Random-ness. LOL.

Later.

Disillusioned

2008-08-01T21:07:00.002+08:00

This isn't gonna be an emo post. At least, i dun mean for it to be. But i can't always control my emotions. It's just gonna be an in-your-face kinda post. Stuffs i've been thinking about lately. Even if it offends people. I mean, if i were emo about this...thing, i think i would've done myself in like, a dozen times. And i dun think this is worth it. Maybe i'm biased or whatever, but somehow i place affairs of the heart at a higher priority.

Maybe i'm really not trustworthy enough. Like, too emotionally unstable to be trusted or whatever. But hey, i know people who have just as many mood swings as me (maybe even more) but i still trust them. Even though not with all the truth at times, but sometimes the whole true story isn't mine to tell. I wish people would do the same. I mean, i may not be the best person to give advice or anything, but i promise i'll listen. And i always try to give the best advice i can. Give me a chance okay? SX isn't the only person to talk to. And save the crap about stealing others' boyfriend for someone who actually cares. I may be insecure and irrationally jealous, but not to that extent, for god's sake. And i have bigger problems to worry about than that.

Problems. Is that what my life consists of? I have problems keeping things secret, i have problems keeping my promises (even if they're just to myself) and i have problems with trust. Somehow it always comes down to trust. My parent's dun trust me, i dun trust them enough to tell them the truth, i dun trust anyone much - other than a few. Or maybe just one.

Maybe that's my problem. Not being trusting enough. It's kinda hard though. Like, past experiences and stuff. If i trust someone with a secret, somehow the secret would be out a few days later. So now i'm paranoid and stuff. And i dun trust many people. So in turn people dun trust me. I guess i kinda asked for it. Like, i can't expect people to trust me if i dun trust them, right? But sometimes it isn't just my problem. Sometimes it's their problem.

They think it's so straightforward and simple. But my life isn't all that good, okay? It may seem that way from the outside, but nothing's what it seems. I have my own troubles. "Life is a bed of roses - but roses have thorns". Maybe my life seems great, carefree and stuff. But that's just 'cause you ain't me.

You dun understand me. No one does. They think they know me, but the real me's under so many layers of masks that some days i'm not sure who i am either. The good student who hands in her work on time? The sarcastic bitch who's always ready with a sharp retort? The compulsive liar who lies about every single thing? The emo girl who has suicidal thoughts (and some half-hearted attempts)? Frankly, i dunno who i am. Maybe it's timefor some serious reflection. Do some soul-searching. It's cliched and horribly familiar, but that's really how i feel.

How can i interact properly with others when no one understands me - when i dun even know myself? Maybe i'm a sarcastic, attention-seeking, emo bitch. I'm not the nicest person around. I'm certainly not the easiest person to get along with. I'm not posting all this for sympathy. I dun need that. I dun want it. I want to be understood. I need to feel like i belong somewhere. Not aimlessly drifting around, waiting for time to go by.

Time. There seems to be too much, yet too little of it. Part of me wants nothing more than the end of this year. Yet another part wants this year to last forever. I may not have another chance, another shot at this. I wanna make good use of the time i have left. with him But it seems to be slipping through my fingrs. So many things i can't control. Sometimes i feel like my life's spiralling outta my reach. Any decision i make will never affect it, will never make a difference. And you know what? It sucks.

Been feeling so paranoid lately. And i guess it wasn't for nothing. My parents. Two teachers. Dun even know if they know the whole truth, but ambiguous hinting is bad enough. My parents threatened to call. How the hell can i prevent that? Sometimes i wonder if they know more than they're letting on. Teachers too. Hints all around and occasional names. WTH, can't they just come out with it? I dun mind any punishment they can give. It will still be worth it and given a chance, i'd do it all over again. But i dun wanna drag others down with me. I guess i'm like some kinda jinx. Anyone...associated with dun usually end up with happy endings. They dun end up happy in the end. I guess i'm bad influence amd horrible company.

So much more i feel like saying. But i dun think i will - or should. 'Cause as dumb as i can get, i know people will read this post.

Looking around, i'm alone/ On my own, for now/ I hope it's temporary

Standing alone in the crowd/ Darkness engulfs me/ Sinking into misery

GLittering blade, dangerous/ I long for its bite/ Sweet release, worries lost in pain

I'm not emo-ing, so dun worry about me. I'm fine, really. As fine as i can get. Dun worry. Really.

Later.

Lessons learnt

2008-07-26T21:20:00.004+08:00

I'm back. LOL. Understatement. I'M BACK FROM WEST MALAYSIA. *smiles* The trip was rather fun. As in, bonding time and stuff. Slacking, basically. Makes me think it was the school hols all over again. It would have been better if we managed to pull off the class gathering thing, but i guess you can't have everything, huh? Fun trip and stuff but next week it's lessons as usual. *sighs*

And history prez on Monday. I'm actually quite...anxious. I'm scared i'll screw the prez up. As in, i dun think my prez skills are as good as the others in my group and i'm afraid i'll drag them down. So...sorry if i do. I'm not really very confident right now. LOL. Insecurity and stuff.

Anyway, on a lighter note. SX's blogging again. YAY. Some entertainment value at last. The last few months have gone by rather slowly. Especially the last month or so. Pleasepleaseplease dun stop blogging again. LOL. That despo. But it's true. Insecure, remember?

Btw, who heard of the SINGfest? 2 and 3 August? Oh my gawd i so wanna go. But wayy too ex. Unless someone wanna treat me. Hint, hint. LOL. I was kidding. I would never be able to accept it. Anything over 100 bucks is too ex. Wish there was some way to go. Argh. Never mind. Lots of stuff i want but can't get. Guess i should just be content for the moment.

And i've learnt an important lesson. Never trust Jeremy's movie recommendations. I went to watch Prom Night with a bunch of 2A people, and the movie was totally crappy. No plot at all. The bad guy just keeps killing people (stabbing them with a knife, actually) and the good guys just keep dying. And no eye candy either. Which is totally sad. And a waste of 8.50 bucks. I still wanna watch The Dark Knight though. Hopefully it wouldn't disappoint. I'm open to invitations, but i kinda got some idea of who i'm watching with. LOL. Hopefully it's possible.

Anyway, to make this post seem longer, i'm gonna do some quizzes. Yay. So typical me.

Your Flirt Quotient

You are 67% Flirt

Are You a Flirtatious Woman?

LOL. Anyway, that's all.

Later.

Yet another lag post

2008-07-20T19:46:00.002+08:00

Well. I seem to be doing a lot of this lately. I mean not posting regularly. I shall try harder. But sorta busy and stuff. At least i make an effort to blog. Unlike SOME people. *ahem* Major hinting here.

Anyway. Haven't been blogging lately 'cause i can't really think of anything to blog about. Either that or the stuff i wanna write isn't for just ANYONE to read. But since i'm a nice person who invited so many people to my blog, i guess i have to deal with it.

Ohh wait. I know something to talk about. WEST M'SIA TRIP. LOL. I know it's not the first time going overseas without parents (actually it's the second time), but it IS my first time going to malaysia. Yeah, i know. Go ahead and stare in disbelief. I haven't, okay? It's not a crime or anything. Anyway, been looking forward to it for quite abit. But kinda disappointed as well. 'Cause i won't be sharing room with Cyn. =( Not that i'm against rooming with HY and Pris, but...y'know. If you dun, never mind. Still, looking forward to it. And yeah, dreams will remain dreams. No matter how real they may seem.

And on a totally unrelated note, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to YC! *smiles* Sorry that i didn't get you a present. Thanks for being my best (guy) friend. During primary school. Um. Not that you're not now, but just not the only one. Gawd, i think i'm making things worse by trying to explain so i guess i should stop and salvage what's left of the situation. So yeah, happy (belated) birthday. Do try to be more mature. For everyone's sake. Especially *ahem*. (I didn't say anything.) LOL.

BTW, i cut my hair. And now it's damn short. So dun be too shocked tomorrow. For those seeing me at school. LOL. My mom actually asked me if it's 'cause i "shou4 le da3 ji1". I guess, in a way. So i guess it's true that when girls have an...upsetting experience they'll cut their hair? Totally LOL. But i guess my hair's better cut short. 'Cause...it's more convenient? Though i hope you won't treat me differently 'cause of that. I think you're not that shallow.

Finally, think i'll end off with some quizzes. LOL. Typical me.

Your Love is Based on Friendship

For you, chemistry doesn't really happen without compatibility.

Companionship and openness are the most important parts of your relationships.

Whoever you love should be your best friend.

And falling in love with a good friend is never out of the question.

Why your love can last: You only fall for people who you truly understand... and who truly understand you

Why your love can fail: Sometimes you don't admit how important physical chemistry is to you

What Is Your Love Based On?

He's Probably Not Over Her

You'd do just about anything for your guy - and he knows it.

And while compromise is important in relationships, you may take it too far.

Stand your ground more often. You don't have to do everything your man says.

If you tell him "no" a little more often, he'll probably respect you for it!

Does Your World Revolve Around Your Guy?

Your Ideal Marriage Proposal Is

New Years, at the crack of midnight, under a windstorm of confetti.

What's Your Ideal Marriage Proposal?

You Are Fairly Normal in Love

When it comes to love, you have fairly normal ideas and expectations.

Your relationships and ideas may be a bit quirky at times...

But you see love the same way as most people do.

Why You Are Normal in Love

You are normal because you don't kiss on the first date.

You are normal because you haven't been in love with two people at once.

Why You Aren't Normal in Love

You are abnormal because you don't believe a long distance relationship can work.

You are abnormal because you believe people only have one soulmate.

Are You Normal in Love?

Aries - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:

You're quite the charmer. You've got the wit and attitude to attract almost anyone you meet.

Out spoken and honest, any date knows how they stand with you.

Fearless, independent, and willing to try anything twice - your dates should expect the unexpected.

Your negative traits:

You tend to be vain, and you expect your partner to feed that vanity often with complements.

Hot tempered and impulsive, you've occasionally ended things ... only to regret it later.

You're obsessed with being the best, most loved girlfriend or boyfriend your sweetie's ever had.

Your ideal partner:

A risk taking, free spirit like yourself - who can keep up with your latest wild child antics.

Someone stylish, attractive, and fit... who can keep you attracted for months.

Is hard to get - and lets you pursue things. You prefer to be the chaser, not the one being chased.

Your dating style:

Wild, unpredictable, fun, and daring. Your ideal date may involve a couple motorcycles or naked skydiving.

Your seduction style:

Honest and direct - you have no need for romance or much foreplay.

Show off. You like to show your lover how you're the best ever.

Ambitious. You often like to go all night - or aim for multiple orgasms.

Tips for the future:

Start to believe in second and third chances. You don't have to dump them so fast.

Savor the process. Sometimes the best part of falling in love is taking things in slow motion.

Let go of comparisons. If someone's with you, then you've already one. Stop worrying about exes.

Best color to attract mate: Red

Best day for a date: Tuesday

What's Your Love Profile?

Maybe "some" is an understatement. LOL. That's all, though.

Later.

My blog rises from the dead - with style

2008-07-06T20:35:00.002+08:00

Hey. Long time since i last posted. (Again.) I believe i need to resurrect my blog. And i shall do so in style. Ha. I'll start with a confession, then. I think i've fallen in love with...Edward.

(NO. WAY.)

... Yeah right. As if. I mean, he's nice, but not that nice. (Sorry WM, YN.) I dun understand why so many girls are going crazy over him. LOL. But i guess i can sorta sympathise with Bella. Or maybe not sympathise lah, more of having felt the same way.

STOP. I'm not going down that path again. I'm not gonna emo. I promised.

Anyway. Since i've run out of stuff to say, i shall do a quiz. Even though no-one tagged me to do. ('Cause quizzes conveniently take up so much space in a post.)

#1 The person who tagged you is: Actually no-one tagged me. But i'm gonna assume pris, 'cause i ripped this from her blog.
#2 Your relationship with her is: Uh. She's my "niece". And a really good friend, despite all her flaws.
#3 Your 5 impressions of her: Laughs too much at ZM's jokes sometimes. Good leadership. Sometimes emo. Black. Gives good advice.
#4 The most memorable thing she has done for you: Giving me advice, i guess.
#5 The most memorable word she has said to you: ...i dun really remember... =(
#6 If she becomes your lover, you will: ?! What. The. Hell?!
#7 If she was your lover, a few things she has to improve on will be: Lighten up. Relax.
#8 If she becomes your enemy, you will: ...Not happening.
#9 If she becomes your enemy, the reason will be: Fighting over a guy? No lah. Maybe 'cause of personality differences.
#10 The most desired thing you want to do for her now is: Get rid of the clique problems.
#11 Your overall impression of her is: Black and emo. LOL.
#12 How do you think about how people around you will feel about you: They'll feel short. Kidding. I'm not that tall. Um. Sarcastic. Emotionally unstable at times. Ha.
#13 The character you love about yourself is: Being sarcastic.
#14 On the contrary, things that you hate about yourself: Being insecure and irrationally jealous at times.
#15 The most ideal person you want to be is: I like who i am. I dun want that to change.
#16 For people that care about and like you, say something to them: Thanks for standing by me. I know i'm not the easiest person to be with. Sorry.
#17 Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wish to know how they feel about you
1) Shao Xun
2) Hui Ying
3) XinYi
4) Keng Leng
5) Jerian
6) Shieu Huei
7) Jacky
8) Zihao
9) Zi Min
10) Benjamin
#18 Who is 6 having relationship with?
Um. I dunno...
#19 Is 9 a female or a male?
Female. But sometimes i have my doubts... Joking. =P
#20 If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
As a general rule, i dun think it's good for guys to be together.
#21 How about no.8 and 5?
NO. Zihao will be killed by someone.
#22 What is no.2 studying about?
Sec school stuff. Same as me.
#23 When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?
Just today.
#24 What kind of music band does no.8 like?
Uh. Dun really know...
#25 Does no.1 has any siblings?
Yeah. 2 really cute (younger) brothers.
#26 Will you woo no.3?
...No. Duh. SHE's a GIRL.
#27 How about no.7?
?!?! WTH? No way man.
#28 Is no.4 single?
I guess.
#29 What's the surname of no.5?
Tyo.
#30 What's the hobby of no.4?
I dunno. Arcade. LAN. And he sings. Quite...okay.
#31 Do no.5 and 9 get along well?
Nuh-uh. Not really.
#32 Where is no.2 studying at?
RVHS. Same as me. =)
#33 Talk something casually about no.1.
Uh... He's sarcastic? (Major understatement.)
#34 Have you tried developing feelings for no.8?
Not really. He's not my type, really.
#35 Where does no.9 lives?
Woodlands. Never been to her house before.
#36 What color does no.4 like?
I dunno. Black?
#37 Are no.5 and 1 best friends?
I dunno if 1 has best friends... Does he?
#38 Does no.7 likes no.2?
I dunno. Quite okay, i guess.
#39 How do you get to know no.2?
We...started talking?
#40 Does no.1 have any pets?
Do terrapins count? (Though he probably killed more than he kept alive.)
#41 Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?
Dun ask me. I have no idea.

Yay. So my post is suitably long and i can stop here. *smiles* (I know, i'm such a cheater.)

Later.

Well, they say it's always better late than never

2008-06-20T20:25:00.002+08:00

Hey people. It's been such a looong time since i last posted. Sorry. Dun worry, i haven't gotten abducted by aliens or anything. Just didn't feel like blogging recently. But now that i'm back, i'm gonna give you guys an update onthis week so far. The last week of school holidays.

Monday: Morning, 8.30a.m. Had netball training in school. Rushed home. Bathed, had lunch. Rushed to Vivo to catch the monorail to sentosa. Went for class outing. (Duh.) It was pretty much a good day. Didin't get home till 8. But it was fun. Except that PRISCILLA YOU LIED TO ME. LOL. Not that i didn't know he wouldn't be going, but still.

Tuesday: Pretty slack day, actually. Stayed at home. Finished my holiday homework at last. (Except for the projects, but that's not really my fault.) Boring day, to tell the truth.

Wednesday: Morning was slack. Basically i slept till kinda late. And in the afternoon there was supposed to be a match. I went. To kallang. (Do you have any idea how far that is?) Only to find that it was raining heavily. (Really. Couldn't even see the road in front of you in the car. That bad.) And the match was postponed. We stayed there for awhile, did some warm-up. Was drenched. Then went home. LOL. Kinda wasted half a day there.

Thursday: Which was yesterday. And it was the worst day of the week so far. It started off pretty normally. I was gonna do math project at JE library with KL and SX. Morning was slack. I woke up kinda sorta late, as usual. Slacked around at home for awhile.
Went out for lunch. Miscalculated the time and thought i was gonna be late for the 1pm meeting. Then KL SMSed me, saying he can only make it at 1.30pm. Fine. SX was going at 2.
Took my time with lunch. Got to the library 15 mins early. Grabbed a book to read while waiting.
1.30pm came and went. (Where was KL?!) Got a SMS from him. Asked me if SX reached. No, he hadn't. Told me he was only gonna come when SX reached. LOL. *shrugged, went back to book*
2pm came and went. (Where was SX?!) SMSed him. Told me his parents dun let him go out. No, not even for project. (WTH?! I so wished i wasn't in the library. You can't scream in frustration in the library.)
Told KL that SX wasn't coming. KL told me might as well dun do. Fine. Gave him that paper and lent him my math worksheet. Said meet on sunday. Die die must finish.
Now what? Couldn't go home, 'cause no-one's home and i dun have the keys. So i stayed in the library. Until 5pm. That was 4 whole hours of my day WASTED. And i got stood up. Twice. By two guys. What. The. Hell.
Went home. Did the sketch for the math crap. Emo-ed. (Why the hell did i do that? Idiot.) Went to bed. Couldn't sleep. Thought about alot. Basically, emo-ed.

Friday (that is, today): Did some calculations for math in the morning. Realised my sketch was wrong, so had to redo. Lunch. Went to school for training. Sucked. Didn't focus and stuff. Why? Emo. Those 3 letters seem to pop up everyday.

That's the week so far. 2 more days till the end of holidays. Can i make it through, unscathed? (Literal meaning. Go figure out yourself.) Hopefully. Tomorrow having match. ENL. (Hope i can focus.) Then movie with primary school friends. (I really want it to take my mind off things.) Sunday math project. HK's house. KL's not going. So it's just me and the 2 DotA-obsessed guys. Yay. Wonderful. I'll be happy just to pass this project. (Please, mrs choy, take pity on me...) LOL.

And here's a short quiz from pris's blog. (I know i'm ripping lotsa stuff off her. Sorry pris.)

1. What is the thing you want most?
I dun wanna post it. I couldn't possibly.
2. What is on your mind now?
How sharp a pen-knife is. (Kidding. Really.)
3. What type of people do you hate the most?
People who make me wait for ages and dun comein the end. AND DUN APOLOGISE.
4. Will you cherish your friendships?
Duh.
5. Do you believe in God?
Sometimes.
6. How long is your longest friendship?
I dunno. A couple of years.
7. How do you want your friendship to be like?
Trusting. No more secrets. I'm sick of keeping secrets.
8. What is your favourite hobby?
Reading. Or when i'm particularly emo...running. LOL.
9. What country do you want to go most?
I dunno... US? Or japan.
10. Who will you go to if you feel low one day?
SX. OR maybe pris.
11. If you have three wishes, what will it be?
We live in Singapore, not Arabia. I'm willing to not have the answers ready on the off-chance that i met a genie in a bottle.
12. What will you do if your best friend is trying to get your crush?
Fight for him. Duh. But only if he likes me. If not... Just let my friend have him.
13. What will you do if you have a time travel machine?
Um. Go back to a particular day in April. 1st April, if i'm not wrong. Or class outing in March.
14. Tag 8 people to do this quiz.
Nah. Too time-consuming.

That's all. Kinda long post, huh? LOL. I'll try to post more frequently. (Key word being "try".)

Later.

More quizzes. God, i really must be bored. (No-lifer)

2008-06-11T20:05:00.003+08:00

Yo. I'm back with the 100-question quiz. Abit later than i planned though. And one other quiz. Courtesy of priscilla's blog. *smiles*

1. What's the connection between you and the last person who called you?
I can't even remember WHO last called me.
2. Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
Um, at night? 'Cause there isn't any point in leaving my phone on when i'm sleeping and can't possibly use it.
3. What happened at 10.00am today?
I was slacking.
4. When did you last cry?
Sheesh. No need for anyone to know this right?
5. What is your favourite thing to eat with peanut butter?
What CAN you eat with peanut butter?
6. What do you want in your life now?
Lotsa stuff, none of which is even remotely possible.
7. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains or just put up your hood?
Depending. But i'd rather walk in the rain.
8. What's your favourite thing you have on your bed?
Me? Nah, kidding.
9. What bottom are you wearing now?
FBTs. LOL.
10. What's the nicest text in your inbox say?
You dun need to know. See, this is why i can't leave my phone lying around. People like to read my SMSes. Screw them.
11. Do you tend to make a relationship complicated?
Um. I dun think it's my fault alone. Both parties should take responsibility for it.
12. Are you wearing anything borrowed from somebody?
Nuh-uh. Do i look like i need to?
13. What was the last movie you caught?
Uh, 'Shutter' during class outing in March? LOL.
14. What are you proud of?
Uh. Me being able to balance time between studies and CCA. Ha. (I get that alot.)
15. What does the oldest text message in your inbox say?
Just happy that you're over it. (From Shao Xun. You won't wanna know the details. It was a looong time ago.)
16. What was the last song you sang out loud?
Teardrops On My Guitar by Taylor Swift.
17. Do you have any nickname? What are they?
Yeah duh. Fishball, YY, psychopath, yogi...(the last one was from Darren Yang. Grr.)
18. What does your last received message say? Who was it from?
Clycling. But that's scrapped now. (From Shao Xun. And why am i even answering this?!)
19. What time did you go to bed last night?
11pm. But i was thinking for an hour or so.
20. Are you currently happy?
Not really. I'm screwed.
21. Who gives you the best advice?
Myself. No, joking. A toss-up between Shao Xun and Priscilla. (See, the question was who gives the best advice, not who i'd listen to.)
22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
I dun even like whipped cream.
23. Who did you talk with on the phone last night?
Uh. Jerian, Jeremy, Hong Kai. No, not at the same time.
24. Is anything bugging you right now?
The fact that i'm screwed? And that it's week 3 of the holidays and i haven't done anything about math project.
25. Who/What was the last thing/person to make you laugh?
Uh. The netballers. When we were having training.
26. Do you wear toe socks?
What the hell is that?
27. Who was the last person you missed a call from?
No one. I haven't had a missed call in a long time.
28. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Uh huh. 'Cause i'm so devoted sometimes.
29. What annoys you most in a person?
Uh. Arrogance and superiority.
30. Do you have a crush on anyone?As of now?
Um. I dunno if it's a crush...
31. Have you ever done cocaine?
NO. WAY.
32. What is the colour of your room?
Pale yellow, pal orange. 'Cause the fengshui guy said i should paint it that color.
33. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollars?
No. I'd rather kill that person 'cause i feel like it.
34. Do you believe in the saying 'talk is cheap'?
Not really. Though sometimes saying it really just ain't enough. (Shan't be too explicit here. Ahem.)
35. Who was the last person who lay in your bed?
Me. Alone. Duh.
36. Who was the last person to hug you?
Dunno. Can't remember.
37. Did anyone see the last person you kissed?
I kissed someone?
38. Do you have a life?
No. If i did, i wouldn't be doing this quiz.
39. Have you ever think of someone who died when they really didn't?
Sometimes. That's really scary.
40. What is the reason behind your profile song?
I have a profile song?
41. Who was the last person you saw in your dream?
Um... Saying would be obvious.
42. When was the last time you smiled?
Forgot. Sometime today, i suppose.
43. Have you changed this year?
Uh huh. More confident, manage time better and stuff. Courtesy of someone.
44. What are you listening to right now?
My mom watching TV in the living room. Some drama serial, by the sounds of it.
45. Are you talking to someone when you are doing this?
Does SMSing count?
46. Do you walk with your eyes open or closed?
Open. Same as when i lie.
47. Is there a quote you live by?
Not really.
48. Do you want someone you can't have?
Currently? Nope.
49. Have you ever played an instrument?
Uh huh. Piano. But i dun like to show off. (Unlike some people.)
50. What was the worst idea you had in a week?
Gee, i dunno. Maybe it was "putting the projects off till week 3". Or that thing about the stabbings in Japan. Or maybe it was doing this quiz.
51. What were you doing last night at 11.00pm?
Going to bed.
52. Are you happy with your love life now?
Um. Saying yes/ no to this question would meani actually have a love life. So i'm not gonna answer this question.
53. What song describe your love life?
Uh, same as above.
54. Does the person know you like him/her?
Yeah duh. Same for last few times.
55. Who always make you laugh?
You mean in general or specifically? I think KL.
56. Do you speak other languages other than English?
Chinese. 'Cause i'm Chinese. Duh.
57. Are you blond?
Uh, no? Me = totally Asian. And didn't dye hair either.
58. What is your middle name?
I have a middle name?
59. What are you doing tomorrow?
Math project at Hong Kai's house. Only good point being i'll finally get to see his house.
60. What do you think you are like?
Hmm. Good question. Attention-seeking emo?
61. Who would you choose to die with?
No one. No point having someone die with you.
62. Where have you been today?
School. CCA. Duh.
63. What game do you play often?
"randomly deleting SMSes from my phone". LOL. Kidding.
64. Who are you missing right now?
Guess. Pretty obvious. (And i'm not saying anything.)
65. If you are to choose between friends and love, who will you choose?
Love. If i really love that guy.
66. What are you doing right now?
Multi-tasking: SMSing and blogging.
67. Which primary school are you from?
Yuhua Primary School. And i think i just like the people, not the school really.
68. Name 3 colours that you like.
Black, pink, red. Must be hot pink. Sweet pink is sick.
69. What emotion do you like to show?
I'd like to say i'm cheerful, but i'm not really happy most of the time.
70. What is life to you?
"Life is a bed of roses - but roses have thorns."
71. If you have something troubling you, what will you do?
Tell someone and ask for advice.
72. Who did you last chat on msn today?
I dun even have MSN. (Yeah i know. Pathetic no-lifer.)
73. Who do you admire the most?
No one, really. I'm not one for idol worship.
74. Which month are you born in?
April.
75. How are you feeling right now?
Screwed.
76. What is the time now?
9.08pm.
77. Where are you now?
At home. Blogging.
78. What colour did you use to dye your hair?
I didn't. But maybe light brown highlights?
79. Why are you doing this test?
'Cause i'm a no-lifer.
80. What will you do if you are moody?
Send emo SMSes. Post emo posts. Think emo thoughts. Do emo things.
81. At which age do you wish to get married?
Before 30. Duh.
82. Who is more important to you?
Um. Another one of those questions that are so damn obvious.
83. Do you think you have enough confidence?
Yeah, quite alot. Some think i'm overconfident/ arrogant. Actually, i can be quite insecure at times.
84. Who is the person you trust most?
Um. Another one of tho- forget it. I'll just answer the question. Shao Xun.
85. If you have only one day left to live, what will you do?
I dunno. Do what i've always wanted to do.
86. If you can have a dream come true, what will it be?
How many times do i need to say this? It's unprintable.
87. What is your goal for this year?
Get a good enough GPA so that i can take the subject combination that i want.
88. Do you think that it's stupid to do this 100 question quiz?
Are you trying to imply that I'M stupid?!
89. What feeling do you love most?
Love.
90. Do you really think it's global warming now?
I dunno. Maybe you could stick a thermometer into the Earth and find out.
91. What is the feeling you hate the most?
Emo/ sucidal. (It's the same thing for me.)
92. Do you cherish every friendship of yours?
Uh huh. Duh.
93. Do you believe in God?
Sometimes.
94. Who cares for you the most?
I dunno. Politically correct answer would be my family. But i have my doubts.
95. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Freinds. Love. Family. Oh, and studies, but that's just 'cause i wanna get a decent job next time.
96. What will you bring when you fight?
Fight? I never fight.
97. What have you regretted doing in your whole life?
Um. Confessing. But then again, that was the best thing that happened. So...whatever.
98. What will you feel if no one no longer cares for you?
Sad, i suppose. How would i know? I never felt that way before.
99. What if your stead two-timed you?
Um. Can't you hear the sound of a breaking heart? LOL. "I'd be so hurt that i'd never dare to get involved in a serious relationship again."
100. Love with a guarantee of heartbreak or never to be loved at all?
Love with a guarantee of heartbreak. I'd rather have loved and lost than never have been loved/ never loved before.

Next quiz...

1. Do you like your present school?
Uh. Kinda. Mostly it's just the people i like.
2. What do you want the most now?
Privacy. Can't people give me a break? I hate rumors.
3. Who is the closest person to you in your school?
Um. Obvious answer?
4. Do you hate your friends sometimes?
Nuh-uh. They're not my friends for nothing.
5. Are you afraid of death?
Nope. Though i should be.
6. What is your goal this year?
3.6 GPA. And on the non-academic side...romance? LOL. I'm an idealist.
7. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No. That, my dears, is infatuation.
8. Do you believe in eternity love?
Uh huh. I'd want to.
9. Have you ever broken someone's heart that he/she wants to commit suicide?
No. Not that i know of. But the other way round, yeah.
10. What do you enjoy doing the most?
Playing netball. Or maybe SMSing. (No wonder my SMSes always exceed.)
11. Have you ever done anything for your admirer?
I have an admirer?
12. What feeling do you hate the most?
Emo-ness.
13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
Like, that's a big fat DUH.
14. Who would you probably spend the rest of your life with?
Um. My future husband?
15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Friends. Family. Love.
16. Do you find life meaningless?
No, not most of the time, no.
17. Who do you love the most?
Can i not answer that? It's obvious, really.
18. Who do you talk to most in school?
I dunno. KL, i suppose. I sit next to the guy.
19. What are you listening to now?
TV in the living room.
20. Tag 8 people to do this quiz.
Nah, i won't.

And that's all. Hope you didn't read through all of that, 'cause you'd have to be really bored to do that.

Gotta do math project tomorrow and history the day after. Sian. But well, that's life. Maybe writing a proper post soon. And inviting loads more people. Pri sch friendsand netballers. LOL.

Later.

This is such a total rip-off

2008-06-09T20:58:00.004+08:00

I'm bored today. Nothing much to talk about. So i'm gonna do some quizzes instead. Yay.

(10) firsts
first best friend : Uh. This guy in primary school. Can't remember the name.

first pet : Haven't had a pet. Dun plan on getting one in the near future.

first piercing : Dun have. Yet.

first crush : Um. My P1 best friend. LOL.

first CD : I'm thinking Linkin Park.

first car : Hotwheels. If that's even counted.

first stuffed animal : Um... This cute dog thing.

first love : You probably dun need to know that...

first place called home : Bukit Batok (before i moved to JE)

(9) lasts
last beverage : Milk. I know, i'm healthy.

last car ride : Uh, just nowwhen my mom drove me to the mall?

last movie seen : Oh. I need to think... Nope, can't remember.

last phone call : KL. Feeling pissed with him now. (Wasted 15 mins of my time!)

last song you listened to : Whatsername by Green Day

last bubble bath : Never had one.

last time you cried : Monday night. Dun ask.

last thing you ate : Chocolate. *smiles*

last bad thing you did : Shopping. And spending lotsa money.

(8) have you evers
have you ever dated one of your best friend : No. But since i dun exactly have many guy best friends...

have you ever been arrested : No. What do you take me for, some kinda juvenile delinquent?

have you been skinny dipped : What the hell is that!?

have you ever been on a limo : Yeah. In my dreams.

have you ever cheated : Dun remember. (And even if i did, i wouldn't be telling.)

have you ever been in love : Um...Yeah.

have you ever been in a car accident : Nope.

have you ever broken a bone : Nuh-uh.

(7) things you are wearing
A red shirt. Black shorts. Specs. Jacket. (Wait, that's only 4?!)

(6) things you've done today
Netball training. Waited for KL at JE. Went home and had lunch. Showered. Went shopping for clothes. Blogging.

(5) favourite things
Friends. Reading. SMSing. Family. Music.

(4) people you tell almost everything to
Shao Xun. Um...Priscilla? (Though not really EVERYTHING. Sorry pris.) Gosh, there doesn't seem to be anyone else.

(3) choices
black or white : Black. (But i'm not really that dark and gloomy...)

hot or cold : Cold. 'Cause you'd have the excuse to ask for a hug. =)

chocolate or vanilla : Chocolate. Duh. Who in their right mind would choose vanilla?!

(2) things you want to do before you die
Marry the guy i love. Get rich. Duh.

(1) thing you regret
Not being bolder.

Done: 5/6/08

Here's another one:

1. At what age do you want to get married?
I should hope that it happens before i'm 30. Else i'd rather be single.

2. What do you want to do most now?
Teleport...somewhere. Like, you know. In 'Jumper'.

3. Who is the person you trust the most?
Um. The person who trusts me the most?

4. Are you happy with your current life?
Well...I can think of a million ways it could improve, but right now? Yeah, more or less.

5. If you can have a dream come true, what is it?
I told you, it's unprintable.

6. If you can have another dream come true, what will it be?
To have everyone else's dreams to come true. Except for any that will contradict mine. Ha.

7. What are you afraid of now?
Nothing, really. And even if i WAS afraid of something, i wouldn't say. That'll be my weakness, the chink in my armour out in the open. Not happening. (Paranoid, i know. But you can't really blame me.)

8. Who do you cherish the most?
People who care about me. No, not those who pretend to care. I'm sure whoever they are, they have a pretty good idea.

9. If you meet someone you love, will you confess to him/her?
If it complicates our current relationship (friends, acquaintances, whatever), no. I'm not making the same mistake twice.

10. How would you spend 200 bucks if you have to?
That's rather little... LOL. I think i'd go for a meal. Something expensive, with a couple of friends. Then go shopping with whatever's left. (Yes, it occurred to me that i could save it. No, i'm not gonna go against my principle of "spend first, talk later".)

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
Love me. Care for me. Trust me. (Come to think of it, he must be trustworthy too. At least to me.)

12. What type of person do you hate the most?
Petty people. Irritating people. People who break promises. People who have bad attitude and do nothing about it.

13. Do you cherish every single one of your relationships?
Yeah. Very much. What's the point of a relationship if it's like, half-hearted?

14. Would you rather be alone or in a group?
I'd like people to think i'm a sociable person but most of the time? I'd rather be alone.

15. What do you think is the most important thing in life?
Love.

16. If you get a billion dollars, where do you want it to come from?
Something that i've done myself. My job, maybe. I want to have earned it instead of getting it from others. (Yeah, independent, i know.)

17. At this point of time, would you rather stay in your comfort zone or try something new?
You mean now? This minute? There isn't much stuff to be tried out, is there? But yeah, i think i'd try something new. I dun particularly like routines.

18. Why do you think you have friends?
It's my irresistable charm... Nah. I'm not that egoistic/ mock arrogant, whichever you prefer. Honestly? I dun know. I should think i wouldn't have any friends. Just look at the kind of person i am: some attention-seeking emo who takes every chance to be sarcastic. I wonder what my friends see in me.

19. If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change?
Nothing. No, seriously. I like myself just the way i am. If someone doesn't like me, tough. You either like me or you dun. And if you dun, just get the hell outta my life. I'm sure i dun need people like those around.

20. If you are dying in a day's time, what will you do?
Those things that i've always wanted to do, but couldn't? Those places i've always wanted to go to, but couldn't? Those words i always wanted to say, but haven't? Yeah. All that. Or maybe i'll live the day normally and die quietly. In some remote place. No one has to know, right? And not many would care.

21. Tag 8 people.
Nah. I shan't.

Done: 6/6/08

And the last quiz...

3 names you go by
- Yuyan
- Fishball (It's not my fault you people can't pronounce my name properly. It's a very cultured name okay?!)
- Psychopath (Okay, so it was only for a short while at the start of last year. Who cares. I mean, i can't think of anything else.)

3 screennames you have had
- Arya
- YY
- that girl (Fine. So i give up. I admit. Go ahead. Laugh/ spread rumors/ whatever.)

3 physical things you like about yourself
- Height
- Eyes (If you look really closely, i actually have double eyelids. Applause, please. Who would have thought?)
- Hair

3 parts of your heritage
- Height
- Temper
- Um, my character. Kinda.

3 things that scare you
- The future (Uncertainty and such. Y'know.)
- Rejection (Who can blame me?)
- Loss

3 of your everyday essentials
- Mobile phone. I seriously can't live without it. I dun understand how you people can reply SMSes after like, a day or something. One word: LAG.
- Clothes. Duh. Who doesn't need 'em? (Wait. Dun tell me. I dun wanna know.)
- My blank wall. Or armour, or pretenses or whatever you wanna call them. It ain't physical, but it's very important. How do you think i managed to get through days of emotional crap and still seem so happy? (Though i'm breaking down more often these days. Must be getting rusty.)

3 things you are wearing right now
- Pink shirt.
- White shorts.
- Red jacket.

3 of your favourite bands or musical artists
- Avril Lavigne
- Fall Out Boy
- Linkin Park (I know, you must be thinking, WTH. The girl likes these two bands?!)
3 of your favourite songs
- When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne
- Me and You by Fall Out Boy (Forgot the long, long title.)
- Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park
(See a pattern?)

3 things you want in a relationship
- Love.
- Trust.
- Romantic dates. (What, i'm not allowed to be shallow and bimbo-ish for once?)

2 truths and 1 lie (in no particular order)
- I sometimes feel sucidal.
- I may be the luckiest girl in the world. (At least, that's what it is to me.)
- I'm not enthu.

3 physical things about the preferred sex that appeal to you
- Shoulders.
- Hands/ arms.
- Hair.

3 of your favourite hobbies
- Reading.
- SMSing.
- Thinking and fantasizing. (I'm not saying about what.)

3 things you want to do badly right now
- SMS someone.
- Have someone SMS me.
- Um. I choose to publicise the lesser of the two evils: i wanna see someone badly.

3 careers you're considering/you've considered
- Animal rights activist (Is that even a job? And that was when i was younger and crazy about animals. Now, SO much more cynical.)
- Doctor (Maybe.)
- Teacher

3 places you want to go on vacation
- Japan (Even though i've been there before.)
- U. S. A. (More specifically, New York)
- Europe (Tour of it, which must include at least 3 different countries. *smiles*)

3 names you like
They dun HAVE to be girls' names or English names only right?
- Ryan (Sorry...)
- Miyuki (It's random. Dun ask.)
- Gaia (Anyone who have read 'Fearless' should know.)

3 things you want to do before you die
Actually there's so much stuff i wanna do... LOL.
- Get married. To my true love. (Idealist, i know.)
- Have a successful career.
- See a rainbow. (Yes, i know. And no, i haven't seen a rainbow up till now.)

3 ways you are stereotyping a boy
Wait, you talking about me or in general? I'm gonna assume it's about me, since i'm such an egoist.
- I DO NOT like wearing skirts/ dresses. In fact i dun even own a dress. LOL.
- I'm more "shuang kuai" than most. (read: not petty)
- I've never put on make-up in the whole 14 years of my life. (Until Pris decided i should, for OM. But then ZH did too.)

3 ways you are stereotyping a girl
- I "squeal over allegedly cute stuff". (Though not as much as some.)
- I take over half an hour in the bathroom every morning.
- I like shuai guys. (So unless i'm a guy who's gay, i'm most certainly a girl.)

3 celeb crushes
Sheesh.
Not everyone chooses to go crazy over some guy whom they hardly know, other than through portrayal of characters or songs. But i suppose if i must...
Daniel Radcliffe was kinda cute.
But not anymore. More's the pity. And i really can't think of anyone else i actually cared enough. Even the above mentioned actor only caught my attention 'cause of the movie contents. Not his looks or whatever.

3 people that I would like to see take this quiz
- SX (Though i doubt you'd be bored enough to do it.)
- KL (Pity he doesn't have a blog. LOL.)
- Uh. Jerian?

I'm putting guys down 'cause i'm assuming most of the girls (or those who matter, anyway) have done this quiz. Or whatever reason you all wanna think.

Done: 9/6/08

That's all for now. Might do that 100 question quiz on Priscilla's blog tommorow.

Later.

Crying doesn't help, but god, it does feel good after that

2008-06-06T20:26:00.002+08:00

Hmm. Dun actually feel as emo and sad and disillusioned as yesterday night, when i was writing the poem. But heck, since i've written it, i might as well post it so that everyone can have a good time laughing at what a total idiot i am. For thinking i could write poetry.

Silver moon shines in the sky/ I look up, thinking/ We're under the same bright moon
Howling winds, pitch black night sky/ Looming misery/ Threatens to overwhelm me
Storm clouds on the horizon/ Lightning streaks across/ Strikes a solitary tree
I would i were that lone tree/ You, blazing fire/ Around me, yet not quite there
Keep me safe from lashing rain/ Burn me, smouldering/ Till all that's left are ashes
Veil of smoke parted to show/ Grey snowflakes swirling/ "Long gone, never coming back"
Ghosts of past memories/ Floating in my head/ Fading into nothingness

There. Now i feel..."oddly at peace with the world", to borrow a phrase. Must be some kinda emotional outlet sorta thing, poetry. Or my version of poetry. Go laugh your ass off and see if i care. At least i feel better. LOL.

Later.

It's no fun when you're alone

2008-05-30T21:21:00.003+08:00

Since shieu huei asked me so nicely to do this quiz, i shall be kind enough to attempt it. (LOL. Where did that come from?)

1. What do you think an ideal best friend should be like?
Uh. Someone who knows you really well, accepts you for who you are and is (almost) always there for you?

2. If you can have a dream come true, what is it?
Um. It's unprintable. Really. I wanna keep this blog PG, see.

3. Who's butt would you like to kick the most now?
No one, actually.

4. What will you do if you have a billion dollars?
Uh, spend it? What else can i do with it? No point keeping it. Currency will drop, y'know.

5. What's your ideal person like?
Kinda like a best friend actually. But more so. And cares for me. Alot. (Yeah, i know. High expectations.)

6. Which is more blessed? To love someone? Or to be loved by someone?
To love someone. Duh.

7. Is there anything that had made you extremely happy?
Uh. Not really. Or maybe i'm just a very negative/ pessimistic person.

8. Define 'LOVE'.'
Well. From personal experiences, i think i'd say it can be described as 'bittersweet'. There isn't one definition. As far as i know.

9. If the person you liked secretly is attached, what will you do?
... Jump off a building. No, seriously. I'm one sad, pathetic person.

10. How would you see yourself in 10 years' time?
Um. Attached and contented? Or single and regretful. (I know. I'm just listing out the possibilities. Dun blame me. I'm lame.)

11. Who are currently the most important people to you?
Friends. Uh, more-than-friendly friends. School. (As if.) My (non-existent) social life. Family.

12. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Uh. Shieu Huei? Kinda cute girl. Spastic (most of the time). Sometimes really "should whack". LOL.

13. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
Married and poor. (I'm an idealist, i know. Romantic and stuff. LOL.)

14. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
Check my mobile phone for SMSes. Seriously. I'm a SMS junkie.

15. Would you give all in a relationship?
Um, depending...? But yeah, if i really liked the guy.

16. How would you rate the perfection of your life now?
Hmm. Now? As in, this minute? I'd say a 6, at least. Or maybe a 7. =)

17. What type of person do you hate the most?
B****es. Really. People who think they're better than others. Irritating, annoying people. People who are lame. People who are overly-dramatic/ emotional/ helpful... And the list goes on. Sorry, lotsa people piss me off. Sometimes i hate myself too.

18. Tag 8 people to do this quiz.
Do i have to? Nah. Dun feel like it. You know me, never doing what i'm told.

Yep. That's the end of the quiz. If you read through it you probably know me better. Or maybe not, since i dun always tell the truth. In fact, how do you know that i'm not lying right now? LOL.

Anyway, abrupt change of topic. Freakin' projects. I STILL dunno my math group. Will someone please help me??! LOL. (Oops. Using too many lols.)

Looking forward to the class outing. And can we take cable car there? Please? *flashes a smile* Nothing else to talk about. Another post sometime soon, i promise.

Later.

I promised not to be emo, but promises are so easily broken

2008-05-26T21:43:00.000+08:00

Been feeling down. Since Sunday night. Those who know why, keep it a secret. For my sake. Those who dun, you probably dun need to know. Too much knowledge isn't good.

Haiz. I know i promised at least 2 people that i won't emo anymore, but i really can't help it this time. I wanted to have a good time but it turned out to be so screwed... Sometimes i wonder if anything is worth living for. Not that i'm getting sucidal thoughts or anything, but still. Sometimes life really sucks big time. I'm just gonna randomly write whatever crap that comes to my mind. And i ain't exactly in the most stable frame of mind. Not crazy, but not emotionally stable.

To quote from HSM 2 song 'Gotta go my own way'... "i get my hopes up/ and i watch them fall everytime/ another color turns to grey/ and it's just too hard to watch it all slowly fade away. Somehow it perfectly describes my not-so-perfect human emotions.

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I say what doesn't kill you immediately builds up and slowly kills you over time. They say being emo is a waste of time. But then living is a waste of death. They say lying isn't good for you. But sometimes telling the truth is not much better. The truth hurts alot at times. Sometimes too much. So much that you can't bear it.

This is for someone in particular...
I'm sorry for the hurt i've caused you. I'm sorry that it turned out this way. I'm sorry that you had to suffer. I'm sorry for the wrong that i've done. I'm sorry that they found out. I'm sorry that i let them find out. I'm sorry for emo-ing. I'm sorry for everything i couldn't do.

You are my everything/ Nothing without you/ Dun wanna be without you
Without you, life's meaningless/ Darkness and despair/ Dizzying fall of misery
Ambiguity of dusk/ The brilliance of dawn/ The two of us, together.

Lots more stuff i thought of, but putting it on the blog would be SO obvious. Feel loads better. So blogging does help.

Later.

They say lying is bad, but sometimes the truth is way worse

2008-05-26T20:20:00.004+08:00

I used to lie. A lot. No, this isn't a confession. But it's the next best thing (coming from me) at least. I used to be something of a compulsive liar. I used to lie all the time. Not anymore. I dun have some sentimental story about how i stopped lying all the time. I just stopped. Stopped lying as much. Tried to tell the truth more often, especially when it's the little things that dun really matter. My parents trusted me more, i got less paranoid. I stopped lying all the time. Or so i thought.

Now the past has come back to haunt me. Once again, i find myself in the same/ similar situation as 2 years ago. I've gotta lie. I've gotta make a choice: do i wanna gain the trust of my parents or do i wanna keep what i've waited so long for? My mind says the logical path to take is to tell my parents. Yet my heart tells me something else altogether. They say to follow your heart, and i'm doing just that. Did i make the right choice? Maybe i'll regret it in the future, but for now, despite all the suffering i'm causing myself, (just to be with him) it's worth it.

You mean it's the holidays now? Where's the slacking they promised?

2008-05-25T14:24:00.002+08:00

It's finally the holidays! After 10 (horrible) weeks of hell in school, it's finally that 1 month that all school-going kids look forward to. Yay.

It doesn't feel like the holidays though. Tomorrow's a Monday, the first day of the school holidays. Yet i keep getting this feeling that there's school tomorrow. Weird, huh? Technically i DO need to go back to school, but you know what i mean. And yeah, going back to school for CCA. (No surprise.) What else?

Holidays are meant to be fun, relaxing, whatever. NOT packed with CCA, project work and homework. Apparently teachers dun get the concept of holidays = no homework. In RV, our schedules are probably more packed during school holidays than during the term. I've already got 2 group projects (one of which i dun even know who i'm doing with) and tons of homework. Not that i'm complaining about group work. LOL.

Is it really too much to ask for a holiday? As in, a REAL holiday. So that i can really slack for once. I swear, i've gotta be one of those poor pathetic few who dun even know what slacking is really like. Not that slacking is good, but still.

So, yeah that's all. For now. Nothing else to complain.

Later.

Update!!!

2008-05-21T17:26:00.004+08:00

Wow. Long time since i last posted. And SO much stuff has happened i dun know where to start. Uh. Okay, let's start with all those results we got back. I got... 53.5/70 for chinese, 50/70 for science, 41.5/50 for geog, 26/40 for history, 92/100 for math and 27/40 for LA. I was SO shocked with my LA results. Like, WTH?! And i thought my LA was (sorta) good. Damn. *starts scolding vulgarities*

Oops. I really must stop being so vulgar. I seriously think it's 'cause of sitting next to KL for 1 term. That guy is influential, i tell you. I wanna change seats. *pouts* LOL. Gotta stop doing that too.

Back to the topic about results. One word: disappointed. Like, wth. I missed my target GPA by 0.1. How close is that?! And i lost to KL. By 0.1. Grr. TKL I HATE YOU... Joking.

... Being totally random here, but i really hope i can go for (most of) the class chalet. If there's gonna be one. Sometimes, having a "hiong" CCA really sucks. *gasp* OMG i didn't just say that. Bad girl, yuyan. LOL.

Later. (Maybe i'll post again today.)

Life is a bed of roses - and roses have thorns.

2008-05-15T20:49:00.003+08:00

Haiz. Life sucks.
... Actually, i'm just generally pissed. No idea why. Wait, i think i do. It's all 'cause of HER.

Oh what the heck, i'll just put her name here. What's the worst that could happen? Nothing she can do to me will ever scare me. HER = jasmine. A. K. A. "that irritating, extra, annoying, pain-in-my-*** girl". Who never gets a hint, no matter how obvious.

(I know i'm being random again, but still.)
Jasmine sucks. She topped the class for science. WTH. Hate her. Now she's all cocky and stuff. Damn her lah.

And her voice sucks lah. Still wanna sing. Spoil the whole group's song. Lousy lah. Stupid girl. LOL. I might continue insulting her. But i guess it's enough for now. Dun wanna foul my blog too much. It makes people sick just thinking/ seeing her, see. Kind, thoughtful me. LOL.

Later.

First Post...

2008-05-10T19:55:00.000+08:00

Whee... First post ever... Should be interesting.

So. I shall apologise in advance, in case anyone is offended by whatever comments i posted. Sorry. Anyway this blog's gonna be like, my emotional outlet or whatever, so hopefully i dun offend anyone.

Hmm. Actually thought of doing RLFRS (for those who knows what it means), but decided against it. SO unoriginal and waay outta my character. I've got my own style, thank you very much. Will definitely end my posts in a nicer way. When i get inspiration. Any ideas?

Later.